Why?

So, reader, I've been having lots of existential crises lately. To give you a bit of a context, Erin asked me in Prague what worldview I would have if I were not a Christian. See, I don't usually think about such things, because without Christ, life is meaningless, void, a chasing in the wind. I told her I probably would be a very dissatisfied hedonist or materialist, but I think she cast the verdict that I would actually be a very depressed existentialist.

Because in much wisdom there is much sorrow, 
and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain. 
Ecclesiastes 1:18

Reader, I must interject to confess that I've been lax and lazy in my duties. Even constructive pasttimes, such as writing this blog, grow wearisome, and do not produce as much of a catharsis as I know they ought. I still haven't finished a post from 2 years ago, which is driving me nuts, especially since it is about the Isaac-Jesus parallel which I am increasingly fond of.

It's raining pretty hard right now. Speaking of rain, our intern pastor kept speaking of the reigns of Nero and Christ, and Jim and I thought it was pretty funny. I'll make sure to include lots of puns in my sermons. My mother said that her Hindi coworker said that it was a blessing that it rained on my great-uncle's funeral, because that was a sign that God is crying. I don't think she rebutted, but it's a nice thought that God would set the mood for occasions.

Now, for the question which has plagued secular philosophers: Why? You see, there is no sufficient answer to a questioning mind but to serve one's master. After all, humanity (with all the rest of creation) is a servile order of beings. I assert that all people serve their master with unwavering devotion. It is only by the grace of God that He snatched me from my adulterous idolatries and called me to serve the Light, to bring Him glory. You see, reader, all things serve God's glory, whether they are the infinite graces poured on His adopted sons and daughters even in their afflictions which point to God's mercy, or whether they are the infinite testimonies and warnings poured on the rebellious peoples that refer to God's patience and justice. And if we do not serve the true and living God, then all things are meaningless, vanity, and abhorrent. If not God, our breathing condemns us. If not God, our education condemns us. If not God, our careers condemn us. If not God, our accomplishments, our prizes, all of our glory and fame and power and popularity and money all join hands to condemn us. If not God, the greatest of humanitarians and philanthropists lie dead, stinking in their sandals which they refuse to remove before the true Philanthropist, who became human to show His love. If not God, all the riches in the world are not enough. If not God, all martyrs for all causes die in vanity, die chasing the wind. If not God, we sow our seed into the wind, and we reap the whirlwind. If not God, all good deeds are a waste of time and energy--why not do evil, use dishonest scales, murder all others, and pass by our neighbors? If not God, work is a waste of time--all our efforts are in vain, for who takes what we work for before the throne of God? Even for those who choose to suppress the truth unrightly, no man takes anything to his grave. Why should our inheritants receive an inheritance from us? Yet is there any purpose in considering these things? Why should we think deeply when death devours both the wise and the fool? Answer: God has set eternity in the hearts of men, and wisdom is superior to foolishness. If not God, rest is futile, for laziness will not be rewarded. And without rest as reward, laboring becomes twice-meaningless.

Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself? 
Do not be excessively wicked and do not be a fool. Why should you die before your time? 
It is good that you grasp one thing and not rest your hand of the other; 
for the one who fears God comes forth with all of them. 
Ecclesiastes 7:16-18

If not God, joy is fruitless. Even the joys of labor are a pittance of a consolation, our small reward in this present life generously given from God. Yet even these small joys are distractions from considering eternity, and these joys will condemn us before the All-Joyful Judge. If not God, hope is pointless. If there is not resurrection from the dead, no preservation of the soul, no justification and cleansing from sins, then our hope is in vain, for the Christian hope is the only true hope. If not God, faith is futile, for faith is grounded in the goodness of God's mercy. Without foundations, thought cannot stand. If not God, thoughts themselves are futile, and the famous "cogito ergo sum" is a condemnation against us. Thoughts are circular, thoughts use languages given by God, and thoughts only give way to truth when they are fleshed out in this life by our words or actions, which are in turn void of eternal significance apart from God's will. If not God, our words and actions are meaningless, so trust is no more. If not God, love is but a clanging cymbal and a sounding gong, reverberating in pointless sine waves through the empty wind to create meaningless feelings and meaningless thoughts. If not God, music loses its power. If not God, community is lost, for there is no real need for friendships in this brave new world. If not God, commitment is a fetter that should be broken because our words are not to be trusted and our friendships are to be doubted. If not God, death is natural. If not God, life is empty. And if life is empty, why bother?

He is my light and my salvation--whom have I to fear?
In His secret place I'll hide and pray that I might hear
a simple word...


O, how I would have despaired 
if You had not come found me here.
Now I can lean against Your throne and find my peace
"Peace" Jennifer Knapp

Yet we must concede that life has meaning, or all peoples would murder themselves aimlessly. Yet even this would be vanity, this final attempt to defeat the vanity of life.

The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:
fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. 
For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14


Reader, this is why I cannot be anything other than a God-fearing disciple of the Messiah. Because of His grace, I was given eyes to see not only the futility of life, but of the futility of pleading innocence after death, for we will all answer to God. If God, even our sinful minds can be saved from the futility of the arrogance that attempts to exalt itself above the standard of God's commands.