My little sister is attending some sort of private Christian elementary school. Forgive me for not knowing its name, but I barely have known about my sister for five months, and she lives with my father, two hundred miles away, where the seasons circle each other, so I haven't been able to be very involved in her life. Her teachers must be covering the account of the creation of the world in Genesis, because she repeats to herself "God created the heavens and the earth in seven days." We all have to correct her that it was six days, not seven! Haha... but it's important. God condescended even in His creation, to set a precedent for humanity that we require one day in seven to rest. Note that this is not only a religious principle, even though the LORD spelled out His intentions when He spoke from Sinai saying "Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy" (Exodus 20:8). It's been proven that humans need time to spend away from work, and the number turns out to be about one in seven--especially since seven is the number we count our weeks by.
You know, reader, I have counted the blessings God has given to me, and they outnumber my innumerable sins, for Love does not keep record of wrongs suffered, but Love bore those impossible burdens forever in a day, lifting them like evaporation to the skies above to shower down blessings from heaven. One of the chief blessings God has given me has been my parents' failed marriage. Now, neither of my parents are abusive, so it wasn't any kind of physical salvation I'm referring to, nor do I condone or suggest this vow-breaking without biblical cause! As Christians, we are given the ministry of reconciliation to restore physical relationships in the same way as we lead others to the spiritual rift that the Bible reveals that Jesus restrains.
Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west?
"From one scarred hand to the other."
Stop tangenting, Joseph!
Alright. Back to my sketchtastic (as Erin and Vicki would say) comment on divorce being a blessing: I believe it has been God's greatest blessing to me because of the lessons it has taught me, both [from the stark lack of a father revealing my inability to be holy and all the rest of the omissions I have seen] and the ways I have had to learn how to better honor my parents when they do not love each other. It's a breach of contract, yes, but I was not the one who made the vows before God, so I am still bound to love. Because my family's greatest flaw (and numerous others' I believe, unfortunately!) is the utter breakdown in communication, I sometimes find it odd when my parents sometimes abruptly feel like talking about the past. I'm always welcome to any information, but our emotions sometimes get the best of ourselves, so I feel that sometimes the truth gets distorted in one of their accounts of the past, which is really discouraging. How do I tell when the truth becomes gossip? Even if I were not bound to honor my parents (now individually instead of as a unit), it is in my duty to love my neighbor by protecting his reputation even when others speak poorly of him behind his back.
But more importantly, my divorced father has taught me by his absence the importance of the time we get to spend together. He drives 200 miles every other week to spend 1 day with Calvin and me. If that isn't a type of committed love, I don't know what is. Similarly, my heavenly Father has commanded me to cease from my daily routine, to hallow (set apart) time for Him, and to rest from my own ways by singing His praises, studying His words, and laying my questions and requests and thanksgivings before His throne. My divorced father and I talk all the time we have, and he helps us with all sorts of problems, computer-related or otherwise (he's a sys.-administrator, which basically translates to "computer doctor."), and he's currently helping Calvin learn how to drive. This is nerve-wracking. Whenever anyone in my immediate family gets behind a steering wheel (myself included), I suddenly become a better supplicant.
Here's the application of said controversial statement:
I must dedicate this time to my Father by not staying up too late the night before.
I must dedicate this time to my Father by finishing my studies and clearing my schedule to accommodate His command.
I must dedicate this time to my Father by cutting out my own pleasure if necessary to finish my work.
I must dedicate this time to my Father by preparing my heart to come into His presence.
My divorced father expects Calvin and me to drag our lazy behinds out of bed and hobble over to his parents' house by 9 AM on "his" Saturdays for a day spent with him. This presumes a good night's sleep (whatever that is), a shower, and the absence of chores and homework and studying and work that would need to be done in those hours dedicated to him. And if I can do these things for my earthly father, surely I can do the same for God Almighty.
"[Musical] rests are an exercise in calligraphy..." --Professor Rasmussen
"Cry aloud, do not hold back; raise your voice like a trumpet,
and declare to My people their transgression and to the house of Jacob their sins.
"Yet they seek Me day by day and delight to know My ways,
as a nation that has done righteousness and has not forsaken the ordinance of their God.
They ask Me for just decisions, they delight in the nearness of God.
"Why have we fasted and You do not see?
Why have we humbled ourselves and You do not know?"
Behold, on the day of your fast you find your desire, and drive hard all your workers.
"Behold, you fast for contention and strife and to strike with a wicked fist.
You do not fast like you do today to make your voice heard on high.
"Is it a fast like this which I choose,
a day for a man to humble himself? [Yom Kippur--Day of Atonement, Leviticus 16 ]
Is it for bowing his head like a reed
and for spreading sackcloth and ashes as a bed?
Will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the LORD?
"Is this not the fast which I choose,
to loosen the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the bands of the yoke,
and to let the oppressed go free
and break every yoke?
"Is it not to divide your bread for the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into the house;
when you see the naked, to cover him;
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
"Then your light will break out like the dawn, [common analogy for righteousness:dawn]
and your recovery will speedily spring forth;
and your righteousness will go before you;
the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
"Then you will call and the LORD will answer;
you will cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.'
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
the sending out of the finger and speaking wickedness,
and if you furnish yourself to the hungry
and satisfy the soul of the afflicted,
then your light will rise in darkness
and your gloom will become like midday.
"And the LORD will continually guide you,
and satisfy your soul in scorched places,
and give strength to your bones;
and you will be like a watered garden,
and like a spring of water whose waters do not deceive.
"Those from among you will rebuild the ancient ruins; [Remember, Isaiah was written in the exile]
you will raise up the age-old foundations;
and you will be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of the paths in which to dwell.
"If because of the sabbath, you turn your foot [Remember, shabbat: cease, rest]
from doing your own pleasure
on My holy day,
and call the sabbath a delight,
the holy day of the LORD
honorable,
and honor it,
desisting from your own ways,
from seeking your own pleasure
and speaking your own word,
then you will take delight in the LORD,
and I will make you ride on the heights of the earth;
and I will feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father,
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
Isaiah 58
Hebrews 3:12-19 (as context for) Hebrews 4
Saturday, November 26, 2011
The Tuner
The D#/Eb key proximal to middle C has been "sticky" for the past year, and my family has been collectively lazy--I was lax in calling the tuner to come check things out. He's in there now, tapping each key incessantly a few seconds each, but it turns out many others of the cloths holding the hammers in place had been torn, due to normal use. Or maybe I'd hammered out too many notes, belting out the high notes with the cords of my voice and the cords of the piano--the closest contender to the human voice. Brass... that's the only thing a human voice can't imitate. Anyways, this miracle man worked his wonders on our piano, with the help of some glue, and is tuning our piano back into good health!
I'm excited :) There's only so much a pianist can do when his instrument is flawed.
I'm excited :) There's only so much a pianist can do when his instrument is flawed.
Friday, November 25, 2011
"What do I know of Holy?" --Addison Road
I made You promises a thousand times;
I tried to hear from heaven but I talked the whole time.
I think I made You too small;
I never feared You at all--
No.
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes--could I behold You?
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out;
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
how You were mighty to save--
but those were only empty words on a page.
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be!
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And what of a God who gave Life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name--
on earth and heaven above:
What do I know of this love?
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
I tried to hear from heaven but I talked the whole time.
I think I made You too small;
I never feared You at all--
No.
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes--could I behold You?
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out;
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
how You were mighty to save--
but those were only empty words on a page.
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be!
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And what of a God who gave Life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name--
on earth and heaven above:
What do I know of this love?
What do I know of You who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury? Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?
The Weeping King
On Lamb Selection Day (that's how I informally dubbed Palm Sunday), Jesus rode on a donkey into Jerusalem (which, through God's eternal providence, means "Teaching of Peace") to fulfill the prophecy written of His nature in Zechariah 9:9,
Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey. ---Zechariah 9:9
That word translated "gentle" has numerous other nuances in Hebrew, and I believe any of them could easily fit, and would make sense to apply to Jesus. The word translated "gentle" or "humble" in most translations comes from the Hebrew ani. This word could mean "gentle, meek, or lowly," and this fits the statement Jesus was making, that he is the King of peace, and He wasn't about to start any war. Another frequent translation of the word ani is the word "poor." I always miss the fact that Jesus was, is, and will be King forever, even while He stayed with us here on earth. The King of kings had no palace (not even a house!), no wife, no family to His name. (Matt. 8:20) Yet one other common translation of the word ani is "afflicted, anguished, in misery, sorrowful." Jesus' words carry a lot more emotion when we realize the connection to Zechariah's prophecy... take a look!
As He [Jesus] approached Jerusalem [teaching of peace] and saw the city, He wept over it and said, "If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace -- but now it is hidden from your eyes." ---Luke 19:41-42
The King of kings had one set of clothes. Even these would be taken from Him. But He was fine with that. The King of creation did not come to be served in majesty, but to serve in humility and to rescue and to pursue His wayward bride.
Citations:
Tverberg, Lois, Bruce Okkema. Listening to the Language of the Bible: Hearing it Through Jesus' Ears.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
October 6th: It is stronger to love
10/6/11
"It may be easier to hate, but it is stronger to love." --Clark Kent, Smallville Season 10 Finale
how profound, Father, that even a secular television show of our times would point to Your love conquering our fears and sins? but You are our Savior, our Light for the dark world, our Shepherd-King. You have ordained the humble to grace and honor--in the same way i pray that You would give me wisdom and love for my family. we are in dire need, Lord! let my blood and tears and sweat and prayers not go unseen, unheard, unanswered. if it is Your will, let my presence especially in ccm be glorifying to Your name and that i would be able to answer and pursue and restore the lost sheep, though You reveal to them their lost-ness and their need for a Savior--let me point to the cross. let me be faithful in my studies and let me honor my parents. if it is not Your will to persuade my mother of this important chance every week, let me explain to kevin in a wise manner, in such a way that honors my mother, that i cannot commit the extra mile, though i wish i could!
------------
Update: My mother has since given the OK, so long as I do not go the extra mile in hanging out late into the night without her permission. God is faithful!
"It may be easier to hate, but it is stronger to love." --Clark Kent, Smallville Season 10 Finale
how profound, Father, that even a secular television show of our times would point to Your love conquering our fears and sins? but You are our Savior, our Light for the dark world, our Shepherd-King. You have ordained the humble to grace and honor--in the same way i pray that You would give me wisdom and love for my family. we are in dire need, Lord! let my blood and tears and sweat and prayers not go unseen, unheard, unanswered. if it is Your will, let my presence especially in ccm be glorifying to Your name and that i would be able to answer and pursue and restore the lost sheep, though You reveal to them their lost-ness and their need for a Savior--let me point to the cross. let me be faithful in my studies and let me honor my parents. if it is not Your will to persuade my mother of this important chance every week, let me explain to kevin in a wise manner, in such a way that honors my mother, that i cannot commit the extra mile, though i wish i could!
------------
Update: My mother has since given the OK, so long as I do not go the extra mile in hanging out late into the night without her permission. God is faithful!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Why?
So, reader, I've been having lots of existential crises lately. To give you a bit of a context, Erin asked me in Prague what worldview I would have if I were not a Christian. See, I don't usually think about such things, because without Christ, life is meaningless, void, a chasing in the wind. I told her I probably would be a very dissatisfied hedonist or materialist, but I think she cast the verdict that I would actually be a very depressed existentialist.
Because in much wisdom there is much sorrow,
and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.
Ecclesiastes 1:18
Reader, I must interject to confess that I've been lax and lazy in my duties. Even constructive pasttimes, such as writing this blog, grow wearisome, and do not produce as much of a catharsis as I know they ought. I still haven't finished a post from 2 years ago, which is driving me nuts, especially since it is about the Isaac-Jesus parallel which I am increasingly fond of.
It's raining pretty hard right now. Speaking of rain, our intern pastor kept speaking of the reigns of Nero and Christ, and Jim and I thought it was pretty funny. I'll make sure to include lots of puns in my sermons. My mother said that her Hindi coworker said that it was a blessing that it rained on my great-uncle's funeral, because that was a sign that God is crying. I don't think she rebutted, but it's a nice thought that God would set the mood for occasions.
Now, for the question which has plagued secular philosophers: Why? You see, there is no sufficient answer to a questioning mind but to serve one's master. After all, humanity (with all the rest of creation) is a servile order of beings. I assert that all people serve their master with unwavering devotion. It is only by the grace of God that He snatched me from my adulterous idolatries and called me to serve the Light, to bring Him glory. You see, reader, all things serve God's glory, whether they are the infinite graces poured on His adopted sons and daughters even in their afflictions which point to God's mercy, or whether they are the infinite testimonies and warnings poured on the rebellious peoples that refer to God's patience and justice. And if we do not serve the true and living God, then all things are meaningless, vanity, and abhorrent. If not God, our breathing condemns us. If not God, our education condemns us. If not God, our careers condemn us. If not God, our accomplishments, our prizes, all of our glory and fame and power and popularity and money all join hands to condemn us. If not God, the greatest of humanitarians and philanthropists lie dead, stinking in their sandals which they refuse to remove before the true Philanthropist, who became human to show His love. If not God, all the riches in the world are not enough. If not God, all martyrs for all causes die in vanity, die chasing the wind. If not God, we sow our seed into the wind, and we reap the whirlwind. If not God, all good deeds are a waste of time and energy--why not do evil, use dishonest scales, murder all others, and pass by our neighbors? If not God, work is a waste of time--all our efforts are in vain, for who takes what we work for before the throne of God? Even for those who choose to suppress the truth unrightly, no man takes anything to his grave. Why should our inheritants receive an inheritance from us? Yet is there any purpose in considering these things? Why should we think deeply when death devours both the wise and the fool? Answer: God has set eternity in the hearts of men, and wisdom is superior to foolishness. If not God, rest is futile, for laziness will not be rewarded. And without rest as reward, laboring becomes twice-meaningless.
Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself?
Do not be excessively wicked and do not be a fool. Why should you die before your time?
It is good that you grasp one thing and not rest your hand of the other;
for the one who fears God comes forth with all of them.
Ecclesiastes 7:16-18
If not God, joy is fruitless. Even the joys of labor are a pittance of a consolation, our small reward in this present life generously given from God. Yet even these small joys are distractions from considering eternity, and these joys will condemn us before the All-Joyful Judge. If not God, hope is pointless. If there is not resurrection from the dead, no preservation of the soul, no justification and cleansing from sins, then our hope is in vain, for the Christian hope is the only true hope. If not God, faith is futile, for faith is grounded in the goodness of God's mercy. Without foundations, thought cannot stand. If not God, thoughts themselves are futile, and the famous "cogito ergo sum" is a condemnation against us. Thoughts are circular, thoughts use languages given by God, and thoughts only give way to truth when they are fleshed out in this life by our words or actions, which are in turn void of eternal significance apart from God's will. If not God, our words and actions are meaningless, so trust is no more. If not God, love is but a clanging cymbal and a sounding gong, reverberating in pointless sine waves through the empty wind to create meaningless feelings and meaningless thoughts. If not God, music loses its power. If not God, community is lost, for there is no real need for friendships in this brave new world. If not God, commitment is a fetter that should be broken because our words are not to be trusted and our friendships are to be doubted. If not God, death is natural. If not God, life is empty. And if life is empty, why bother?
He is my light and my salvation--whom have I to fear?
In His secret place I'll hide and pray that I might hear
a simple word...
O, how I would have despaired
if You had not come found me here.
Now I can lean against Your throne and find my peace
"Peace" Jennifer Knapp
Yet we must concede that life has meaning, or all peoples would murder themselves aimlessly. Yet even this would be vanity, this final attempt to defeat the vanity of life.
The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:
fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.
For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Reader, this is why I cannot be anything other than a God-fearing disciple of the Messiah. Because of His grace, I was given eyes to see not only the futility of life, but of the futility of pleading innocence after death, for we will all answer to God. If God, even our sinful minds can be saved from the futility of the arrogance that attempts to exalt itself above the standard of God's commands.
Because in much wisdom there is much sorrow,
and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.
Ecclesiastes 1:18
Reader, I must interject to confess that I've been lax and lazy in my duties. Even constructive pasttimes, such as writing this blog, grow wearisome, and do not produce as much of a catharsis as I know they ought. I still haven't finished a post from 2 years ago, which is driving me nuts, especially since it is about the Isaac-Jesus parallel which I am increasingly fond of.
It's raining pretty hard right now. Speaking of rain, our intern pastor kept speaking of the reigns of Nero and Christ, and Jim and I thought it was pretty funny. I'll make sure to include lots of puns in my sermons. My mother said that her Hindi coworker said that it was a blessing that it rained on my great-uncle's funeral, because that was a sign that God is crying. I don't think she rebutted, but it's a nice thought that God would set the mood for occasions.
Now, for the question which has plagued secular philosophers: Why? You see, there is no sufficient answer to a questioning mind but to serve one's master. After all, humanity (with all the rest of creation) is a servile order of beings. I assert that all people serve their master with unwavering devotion. It is only by the grace of God that He snatched me from my adulterous idolatries and called me to serve the Light, to bring Him glory. You see, reader, all things serve God's glory, whether they are the infinite graces poured on His adopted sons and daughters even in their afflictions which point to God's mercy, or whether they are the infinite testimonies and warnings poured on the rebellious peoples that refer to God's patience and justice. And if we do not serve the true and living God, then all things are meaningless, vanity, and abhorrent. If not God, our breathing condemns us. If not God, our education condemns us. If not God, our careers condemn us. If not God, our accomplishments, our prizes, all of our glory and fame and power and popularity and money all join hands to condemn us. If not God, the greatest of humanitarians and philanthropists lie dead, stinking in their sandals which they refuse to remove before the true Philanthropist, who became human to show His love. If not God, all the riches in the world are not enough. If not God, all martyrs for all causes die in vanity, die chasing the wind. If not God, we sow our seed into the wind, and we reap the whirlwind. If not God, all good deeds are a waste of time and energy--why not do evil, use dishonest scales, murder all others, and pass by our neighbors? If not God, work is a waste of time--all our efforts are in vain, for who takes what we work for before the throne of God? Even for those who choose to suppress the truth unrightly, no man takes anything to his grave. Why should our inheritants receive an inheritance from us? Yet is there any purpose in considering these things? Why should we think deeply when death devours both the wise and the fool? Answer: God has set eternity in the hearts of men, and wisdom is superior to foolishness. If not God, rest is futile, for laziness will not be rewarded. And without rest as reward, laboring becomes twice-meaningless.
Do not be excessively righteous and do not be overly wise. Why should you ruin yourself?
Do not be excessively wicked and do not be a fool. Why should you die before your time?
It is good that you grasp one thing and not rest your hand of the other;
for the one who fears God comes forth with all of them.
Ecclesiastes 7:16-18
If not God, joy is fruitless. Even the joys of labor are a pittance of a consolation, our small reward in this present life generously given from God. Yet even these small joys are distractions from considering eternity, and these joys will condemn us before the All-Joyful Judge. If not God, hope is pointless. If there is not resurrection from the dead, no preservation of the soul, no justification and cleansing from sins, then our hope is in vain, for the Christian hope is the only true hope. If not God, faith is futile, for faith is grounded in the goodness of God's mercy. Without foundations, thought cannot stand. If not God, thoughts themselves are futile, and the famous "cogito ergo sum" is a condemnation against us. Thoughts are circular, thoughts use languages given by God, and thoughts only give way to truth when they are fleshed out in this life by our words or actions, which are in turn void of eternal significance apart from God's will. If not God, our words and actions are meaningless, so trust is no more. If not God, love is but a clanging cymbal and a sounding gong, reverberating in pointless sine waves through the empty wind to create meaningless feelings and meaningless thoughts. If not God, music loses its power. If not God, community is lost, for there is no real need for friendships in this brave new world. If not God, commitment is a fetter that should be broken because our words are not to be trusted and our friendships are to be doubted. If not God, death is natural. If not God, life is empty. And if life is empty, why bother?
He is my light and my salvation--whom have I to fear?
In His secret place I'll hide and pray that I might hear
a simple word...
O, how I would have despaired
if You had not come found me here.
Now I can lean against Your throne and find my peace
"Peace" Jennifer Knapp
Yet we must concede that life has meaning, or all peoples would murder themselves aimlessly. Yet even this would be vanity, this final attempt to defeat the vanity of life.
The conclusion, when all has been heard, is:
fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.
For God will bring every act to judgment, everything which is hidden, whether it is good or evil.
Ecclesiastes 12:13-14
Reader, this is why I cannot be anything other than a God-fearing disciple of the Messiah. Because of His grace, I was given eyes to see not only the futility of life, but of the futility of pleading innocence after death, for we will all answer to God. If God, even our sinful minds can be saved from the futility of the arrogance that attempts to exalt itself above the standard of God's commands.
Empathy Equals Experience
To fill you in on one of my prayers, reader, I asked God to make me more empathetic, because pastors cannot remain simply sympathetic. Surprise, surprise! Empathy requires experience, and those experiences are usually painful. God took two men my mother could call "father," and I didn't know either of them very well. These brothers were both my grandfather. Now before you start thinking they/he were/was schizophrenic, let me explain. They shared the same last name, and it seems I spent the most time with both of them in the hospital, where they were simply addressed in that baby-voiced shpeal nurses seem to think the dying need to hear.
"Mr. Oh, we're going to take your blood pressure. Mr. Oh, we're going to give you your pills. Mr. Oh, we're going to sit you up straight."
Dear God, why do they do this? While seeing male nurses (Har har. Calvin jokes that they traded their man card for the hippocratic oath.) really being effective in lifting heavier patients was a boost to my confidence in the necessity of nursing in the following few years of crashing baby-boomers, the condescension in their syrupy voices drained all thoughts of being a physical healer from my mind. I would never be able to degrade human life in my efforts to preserve it, and I would not destroy human dignity to save lives. I can only imagine what they'd think, being treated as infants.
"So what? I wear an adult diaper and need help standing up. Don't you use that tone with me, boy."
But while my biological grandfather did not leave me any legacy, my surrogate drove me to tears. And this is just one instance of empathy! That I would be able to comfort my mother in her grief is growth enough--how much more can I comfort her, now having divorced her husband after being parented by surrogates herself, that I could show her that blood does not necessarily render love, but rather that love entails blood? We have a firm inheritance, protected by the blood that was, the undying love of our Savior, and we have nothing to fear, though family and friends betray us.
My Jesus, as thou wilt! All shall be well for me;
each changing future scene I gladly trust with Thee.
Straight to my home above I travel calmly on,
and sing, in life or death, "My Lord, thy will be done."
I have heard it taught that the rabbi of Jesus' time would never teach something his disciples could not see, which explains why Jesus would take His disciples on road trips around Israel to exemplify the lessons He was getting across. Case in point: Jesus went to Capernaum (where millstones were crafted), by the edge of the Sea of Galilee to teach that "if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6). In instances like these, I realize how much pastors must suffer in order to bear and empathize with the sufferings of the flocks of God's pastures, just as Jesus bears our burdens and knows our frames.
"Mr. Oh, we're going to take your blood pressure. Mr. Oh, we're going to give you your pills. Mr. Oh, we're going to sit you up straight."
Dear God, why do they do this? While seeing male nurses (Har har. Calvin jokes that they traded their man card for the hippocratic oath.) really being effective in lifting heavier patients was a boost to my confidence in the necessity of nursing in the following few years of crashing baby-boomers, the condescension in their syrupy voices drained all thoughts of being a physical healer from my mind. I would never be able to degrade human life in my efforts to preserve it, and I would not destroy human dignity to save lives. I can only imagine what they'd think, being treated as infants.
"So what? I wear an adult diaper and need help standing up. Don't you use that tone with me, boy."
But while my biological grandfather did not leave me any legacy, my surrogate drove me to tears. And this is just one instance of empathy! That I would be able to comfort my mother in her grief is growth enough--how much more can I comfort her, now having divorced her husband after being parented by surrogates herself, that I could show her that blood does not necessarily render love, but rather that love entails blood? We have a firm inheritance, protected by the blood that was, the undying love of our Savior, and we have nothing to fear, though family and friends betray us.
My Jesus, as thou wilt! All shall be well for me;
each changing future scene I gladly trust with Thee.
Straight to my home above I travel calmly on,
and sing, in life or death, "My Lord, thy will be done."
I have heard it taught that the rabbi of Jesus' time would never teach something his disciples could not see, which explains why Jesus would take His disciples on road trips around Israel to exemplify the lessons He was getting across. Case in point: Jesus went to Capernaum (where millstones were crafted), by the edge of the Sea of Galilee to teach that "if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6). In instances like these, I realize how much pastors must suffer in order to bear and empathize with the sufferings of the flocks of God's pastures, just as Jesus bears our burdens and knows our frames.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Best By 11 18 (Part 2)
Some people say (jokingly, I hope) that having divorced parents means double the birthday gifts! But I would abandon all the birthdays and all the cakes and all the parties and all the special meals and all the candles and all the ribbons and bows and wrapping paper and cards and double-sided tape and all of the "Happy Birthday to you's" from friends and family alike for the redemption of my parents.
Heaveny Father, dear God, thank you for the food and for Yosep's birfday. Thank you for the hot soup, and help the people who have no soup to be warm. In Jesussss' name, amen!
--Yun-Su, my five year old half-sister
11/20/11
Father, i am now nineteen years old, yet i am not mature in any way, save for sin. i'm pretty damn good at that, yet these words do not belong together, Father! make me to do good in Your name, and save me from sin! show me the paths of righteousness, and strengthen me so i can carry Your lambs. please heal jim's knee, as he is in a lot of pain and discomfort; please bring peace to my mother in her loneliness; please comfort the hirtzels as their grandfather joe is passing away (hopefully to life!); please guard ciaran and havalind, that they would find depth across the oceans of Your love; please help the rest of team praha and me in our daily lives that so often elude our recognition--let us not grow stale in our routine duties! please help us to maintain friendships with the czechs, and please give strength and courage and perseverance to Your servants at large in this world. if it is Your will, please let and enable me to join the ranks of these lifelong martyrs, who sing without tongues as the French Huguenots, for You are worthy.
Heaveny Father, dear God, thank you for the food and for Yosep's birfday. Thank you for the hot soup, and help the people who have no soup to be warm. In Jesussss' name, amen!
--Yun-Su, my five year old half-sister
11/20/11
Father, i am now nineteen years old, yet i am not mature in any way, save for sin. i'm pretty damn good at that, yet these words do not belong together, Father! make me to do good in Your name, and save me from sin! show me the paths of righteousness, and strengthen me so i can carry Your lambs. please heal jim's knee, as he is in a lot of pain and discomfort; please bring peace to my mother in her loneliness; please comfort the hirtzels as their grandfather joe is passing away (hopefully to life!); please guard ciaran and havalind, that they would find depth across the oceans of Your love; please help the rest of team praha and me in our daily lives that so often elude our recognition--let us not grow stale in our routine duties! please help us to maintain friendships with the czechs, and please give strength and courage and perseverance to Your servants at large in this world. if it is Your will, please let and enable me to join the ranks of these lifelong martyrs, who sing without tongues as the French Huguenots, for You are worthy.
BOR_Chapter 1: Who am I?
Prompt: Who are you now? What are your philosophies? What makes you happy? What makes you sad? How do you define yourself? Focus on everything that makes you who you are.
--------------------
2/6/10
I am a sinner. First and foremost, I rely on Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, to guide me from this life to the next as I try my best to follow Him. Now I know that that's not really what this chapter is supposed to be about, but I need to constantly remind myself of that, and those words seem to best fit how I should start my reflections.
That being said, I am a Christian. I am a member of the [Orthodox Presbyterian] church, whom God has called to be the wayward bride that He sent His Son to rescue. I am a talmid of the Rabbi Jesus, and my goal in life is to be covered in the dust from His feet. Now that might seem strange, but I believe that to be the innate destiny of all mankind: to become more like the One whose image we bear. I am a brother, who fails every test in the Bible that the Christ puts out for me. "If a man says, 'I love God,' and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" (I John 4:20). I always fall short, and hindsight continuously plagues me when I realize that I have sinned, or refused to do something good. My sin makes me sad, incredibly sad. "For I have the desire to do what it good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep doing" (Romans 7:19). I'm sorry if this seems really negative, but I need to always remind myself that I cannot do any good thing apart from the grace of God. God has given me a pessimistic attitude to wrestle with, because whenever I see the dark side of life, everything around me suffers.
I am an old-fashioned sort of guy. I think of myself as "a classy sort of old-school dude" [as my grandfather says], because I was baby-sat by my grandparents for most of my toddler years, and still rely on them for advice almost (if not more so) as often as I ask my parents. I mean, that's got to leave a mark on somebody, if one talks to and listens to a different generation, [then] that person will inevitably act somewhat like that generation. I believe in (but fail to follow) the unspoken and outdated codes of chivalry, and I try my best to live up to God's standards found in the law, always trusting in the true law-keeper, Jesus Christ.
A belief that I've just recently adopted [refined is more like it] is about the sovereignty of God. Now, I always believed that God had everything under control, but I never really believed that he was in control, if that makes sense. I taught myself to trust that everything is in God's plan, no matter how heart-wrenching or sinful I might feel about my actions, words, or thoughts. As Job said, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10b). Joseph, my namesake, also summed up this idea, saying "So now it was not you [Joseph's brothers] that sent me hither, but God" (Genesis 45:8a), and the apostle Paul also encourages this sentiment in the famous Romans 8:28 passage: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." I still have many questions as to how God's sovereignty and myself work together to perform His will, but knowing that He really is using EVERYTHING for good is a really amazing encouragement to me in trials. James wrote, "consider it joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of the faith develops perseverance" (James 1:2-3). Paul later state "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (II Corinthians 12:9b), when he was confronted with a thorn that God refused to remove, because He said "My grace is sufficient for you [Paul], for My power is made perfect in weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9a). These passages really strengthen me, because they help me remember that I too, like the apostle Paul, can say "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (II Corinthians 12:10).
--------------------
2/6/10
I am a sinner. First and foremost, I rely on Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, to guide me from this life to the next as I try my best to follow Him. Now I know that that's not really what this chapter is supposed to be about, but I need to constantly remind myself of that, and those words seem to best fit how I should start my reflections.
That being said, I am a Christian. I am a member of the [Orthodox Presbyterian] church, whom God has called to be the wayward bride that He sent His Son to rescue. I am a talmid of the Rabbi Jesus, and my goal in life is to be covered in the dust from His feet. Now that might seem strange, but I believe that to be the innate destiny of all mankind: to become more like the One whose image we bear. I am a brother, who fails every test in the Bible that the Christ puts out for me. "If a man says, 'I love God,' and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" (I John 4:20). I always fall short, and hindsight continuously plagues me when I realize that I have sinned, or refused to do something good. My sin makes me sad, incredibly sad. "For I have the desire to do what it good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep doing" (Romans 7:19). I'm sorry if this seems really negative, but I need to always remind myself that I cannot do any good thing apart from the grace of God. God has given me a pessimistic attitude to wrestle with, because whenever I see the dark side of life, everything around me suffers.
I am an old-fashioned sort of guy. I think of myself as "a classy sort of old-school dude" [as my grandfather says], because I was baby-sat by my grandparents for most of my toddler years, and still rely on them for advice almost (if not more so) as often as I ask my parents. I mean, that's got to leave a mark on somebody, if one talks to and listens to a different generation, [then] that person will inevitably act somewhat like that generation. I believe in (but fail to follow) the unspoken and outdated codes of chivalry, and I try my best to live up to God's standards found in the law, always trusting in the true law-keeper, Jesus Christ.
A belief that I've just recently adopted [refined is more like it] is about the sovereignty of God. Now, I always believed that God had everything under control, but I never really believed that he was in control, if that makes sense. I taught myself to trust that everything is in God's plan, no matter how heart-wrenching or sinful I might feel about my actions, words, or thoughts. As Job said, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10b). Joseph, my namesake, also summed up this idea, saying "So now it was not you [Joseph's brothers] that sent me hither, but God" (Genesis 45:8a), and the apostle Paul also encourages this sentiment in the famous Romans 8:28 passage: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." I still have many questions as to how God's sovereignty and myself work together to perform His will, but knowing that He really is using EVERYTHING for good is a really amazing encouragement to me in trials. James wrote, "consider it joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of the faith develops perseverance" (James 1:2-3). Paul later state "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (II Corinthians 12:9b), when he was confronted with a thorn that God refused to remove, because He said "My grace is sufficient for you [Paul], for My power is made perfect in weakness" (II Corinthians 12:9a). These passages really strengthen me, because they help me remember that I too, like the apostle Paul, can say "For when I am weak, then I am strong" (II Corinthians 12:10).
September, 9/2/11 - 9/23/11
9/2/11
Father, thank You for granting us a safe trip driving to phoenix. thank You for such great friends in Christ as william, ciaran, and the blakes. please help me to glorify You tomorrow in my words and my heart, and make me into a wise and mature man of action, who runs hard after Your heart. give me the strength to lead, and bind Your word to my tongue as well as my hands and forehead.
9/3/11
LORD, You are thrice holy. You are the Head of your people; we are a backsliding, adulterous, unfaithful, faithless, disloyal, and illegitimate bride, yet You love us and choose us and create new hearts in us to make us love You and walk in Your Word, Way, Truth, Life, Wisdom, Law, and Love, for You are all these things! You are our bedrock of hope, and You are faithful to the faithless.
Love to the loveless shown, that we might lovely be.
please keep vicki safe, and cause her to trust in You all the more!
9/6/11
Father, only two months ago You held my hand as i traveled [otherwise] alone through the windy ocean airs, back to a place where You told me to guard the lambs, to practice shepherding Your flock, and to fend off wolves. yet i am still alone, Lord! You are my fulfillment, my contentment, and my joy--[and You bring me a helper that I am never alone]. i am content to rely on You alone for that strength and courage, though.
please guide Calvin in school. he needs Your hand to steer him to lean on You and trust You, in spite of our poor leaders. [let me be a light for him, and let him follow me as i follow You.]
be with erin and vicki, Father, and assure them of Your protection and redemption.
9/8/11
thank You, Lord, for the skype prayer meetings You have provided to center and end my day with.
9/11/11
Father, please give me a job to serve You and to feed Your sheep. how can i feed thm if You do not feed me Yourself? thank You for restoring, regenerating, and redeeming this progical.
9/15/11
Remember the summers when the money's gone?
You'd sing all your little songs
that meant everything to me--
I'll remember you:
and the things that we used to do
and the things that we used to say,
I'll remember you that way.
Father, You know how much more than all else You are to me, but there are idols yet in my heart that grasp for Your throne of grace. please starve, break, and reform my life to glorify You, and let me sing of Your love in this life with every joyful breath and every grateful sigh and every somber thought of my heart.
9/16/11
blessed are You, O LORD my God, Creator and King and Redeemer of the universe, for the effects of nyquil. and for the effectiveness of Your gospel that even i might be saved.
9/22/11
Father, forgive me for not keeping a faithful journal, as I have not kept a faithful watch over sin in my life. i only pray You would restore me to the joy of Your salvation, and that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart would be pleasing in Your sight, my Rock, my Redeemer.
9/23/11
Father, You are the Lord of my life, yet i cannot seem to discipline myself effectively any longer; i think it is time for You to restrict Your child-in-err and restore me. please don't take Your hand of grace from my life but use it to redeem me again and grasp me firmly, that i may not slip. thank You for the good friends You've placed in my life!
Lead me with strong hands.
Stand up when I can't.
Father, thank You for granting us a safe trip driving to phoenix. thank You for such great friends in Christ as william, ciaran, and the blakes. please help me to glorify You tomorrow in my words and my heart, and make me into a wise and mature man of action, who runs hard after Your heart. give me the strength to lead, and bind Your word to my tongue as well as my hands and forehead.
9/3/11
LORD, You are thrice holy. You are the Head of your people; we are a backsliding, adulterous, unfaithful, faithless, disloyal, and illegitimate bride, yet You love us and choose us and create new hearts in us to make us love You and walk in Your Word, Way, Truth, Life, Wisdom, Law, and Love, for You are all these things! You are our bedrock of hope, and You are faithful to the faithless.
Love to the loveless shown, that we might lovely be.
please keep vicki safe, and cause her to trust in You all the more!
9/6/11
Father, only two months ago You held my hand as i traveled [otherwise] alone through the windy ocean airs, back to a place where You told me to guard the lambs, to practice shepherding Your flock, and to fend off wolves. yet i am still alone, Lord! You are my fulfillment, my contentment, and my joy--[and You bring me a helper that I am never alone]. i am content to rely on You alone for that strength and courage, though.
please guide Calvin in school. he needs Your hand to steer him to lean on You and trust You, in spite of our poor leaders. [let me be a light for him, and let him follow me as i follow You.]
be with erin and vicki, Father, and assure them of Your protection and redemption.
9/8/11
thank You, Lord, for the skype prayer meetings You have provided to center and end my day with.
9/11/11
Father, please give me a job to serve You and to feed Your sheep. how can i feed thm if You do not feed me Yourself? thank You for restoring, regenerating, and redeeming this progical.
9/15/11
Remember the summers when the money's gone?
You'd sing all your little songs
that meant everything to me--
I'll remember you:
and the things that we used to do
and the things that we used to say,
I'll remember you that way.
Father, You know how much more than all else You are to me, but there are idols yet in my heart that grasp for Your throne of grace. please starve, break, and reform my life to glorify You, and let me sing of Your love in this life with every joyful breath and every grateful sigh and every somber thought of my heart.
9/16/11
blessed are You, O LORD my God, Creator and King and Redeemer of the universe, for the effects of nyquil. and for the effectiveness of Your gospel that even i might be saved.
9/22/11
Father, forgive me for not keeping a faithful journal, as I have not kept a faithful watch over sin in my life. i only pray You would restore me to the joy of Your salvation, and that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart would be pleasing in Your sight, my Rock, my Redeemer.
9/23/11
Father, You are the Lord of my life, yet i cannot seem to discipline myself effectively any longer; i think it is time for You to restrict Your child-in-err and restore me. please don't take Your hand of grace from my life but use it to redeem me again and grasp me firmly, that i may not slip. thank You for the good friends You've placed in my life!
Lead me with strong hands.
Stand up when I can't.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Best By 11 18
Besides continuing my two-months-removed journal entries, I've decided that I will begin transcribing my "Book of Reflections" project from Valley Christian High School as well as all my Bible-classes' papers. I did some good writing there; I may as well share it with you, reader.
I took Christopher to the store yesterday, and I kept seeing "Best By 11 18" on all the fresh fruit packages and milk and breads and other things. Perhaps that is how God sees us, with expiration dates that He places on us, for our time is so brief in this life.
Birthdays have become strange days of deep reflection for me. I remember having parties as a child, and the guests were all my classmates from Covenant Christian Academy and their parents. But I suppose this was not unusual for the other CCA kids, as I attended just as many similar birthday parties. One thing is certainty: when I outgrew this school, I ceased to celebrate my birthday. Possibly this is because it was somewhere around this time that I gained a new identity in Christ, so that time is now simply another step towards an eternity of peace, one more bead of sweat toiling in the kingdom. For both of these I am grateful and I am dedicated to the truth that God will be glorified regardless of whether I breathe once more. Yet each breath is a grace. Birthdays have since lost their meaning to me, just as the rest of the holidays (even Christmas and Easter!), because my immediate family has ceased to celebrate these traditions, pagan or true. Even the Sabbath has not changed from its sinfully derelict weekly state in my family. Perhaps this is also consistent with my father's abandonment, which happened somewhere around this time. Yet these "Holy Days" do have significance because they are convenient tools to witness to the nations of the historicity of God's redemption and the commemoration thereof, especially the Christian Lord's Day, celebrating the work of Christ, especially His resurrection. (Did you know? God CHANGED the calendar [but then again, He created time!] for the Israelites to crown the Passover as the FIRST month, signifying the supremacy of God's redemption over the year. Similarly, Jesus rose on the first of the week, thus signifying the supremacy of Jesus's love over death and the re-ordering of the week.)
I'll be going to school on my birthday tomorrow. If you read this before then, reader, please do not wish me a happy birthday, but instead consider the Creator of time, the Master of our destinies, the Judge of Life and Death, the Conqueror of death, the Victor over sin, the Redeemer of souls. After all, what is a birthday? It's simply a day that I (like all other human beings) caused much grief to my mother. In fact, I was delivered Caesarean-style. Apparently I was a testy child, and I didn't allow my mother sleep before or after I was born, which makes me sorrowful, even if my tears were uncontrollable at the time. But I digress. A birthday is something silly to be celebrated. There is no effective difference between 18 years & 364 days and 19 years of age. There is no effective difference between 20 years & 364 days and 21 years of age, nor from 15 years & 364 days and 16 years. There may be certain milestones that are unlocked to be attained, according to the law of the land, such as the purchase and consumption of legal drugs and pornography, the ability to drive alone with a driver's license, the ability to serve one's country in the armed forces or in the poll booths, the forced responsibilities of maturity. Yet I argue that none of these singleton days constitute any substantial change, any noteworthy maturing, nor any change in conduct at all. These milestones and one's response to each reflects what one really feels towards that ability. You would only get drunk on your twenty-first birthday if you were already desiring the drug enough to overindulge. You would only join the army on your eighteenth if you were already interested in serving your country. You would only go buy the pornography legally if you already had a major problem with lust. And we are all born sinners, and the Bible says that sinners have earned hell. We are criminals and we trespass and endeavor diligently every day to spit in the face of the Judge.
Yet there is hope. Christians have faith in the power of God's love, the power that condescends to weakness in order to lift us to strength. God sent His Son to die for us, bearing our sin, our cross, our shame, that we may be resurrected with Him to life. This happens now. Don't wait, reader, until Your life is laid bare in judgment, for you cannot hire a lawyer while the court is in session, and you will NOT be able to answer the prosecutor (that is, the devil) when he accuses you of all your crimes, all your debt, all your guilt. Claim Christ, our innocent defending attorney who petitions to the Honorable Judge to bear our guilt, to pay all our outstanding debts, and to absolve us of our crimes by suffering the eternal punishment justly due. Justice will be served, and God will be glorified in His verdict.
Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour
all for love's sake becamest poor;
Thrones for a manger You didst surrender;
Sapphire-paved courts for stable floor.
Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour
all for love's sake becamest poor.
Thou who wast God beyond all praising
all for love's sake becamest man;
Stooping so low, but sinners raising
Heavenwards by Thine eternal plan.
Thou who wast God beyond all praising
all for love's sake becamest man.
Thou who art Love beyond all telling:
Savior and King, we worship Thee.
Emmanuel, within us dwelling,
make us what thou wouldst have us be.
Thou who art Love beyond all telling:
Savior and King, we worship Thee.
--Joseph
I took Christopher to the store yesterday, and I kept seeing "Best By 11 18" on all the fresh fruit packages and milk and breads and other things. Perhaps that is how God sees us, with expiration dates that He places on us, for our time is so brief in this life.
Birthdays have become strange days of deep reflection for me. I remember having parties as a child, and the guests were all my classmates from Covenant Christian Academy and their parents. But I suppose this was not unusual for the other CCA kids, as I attended just as many similar birthday parties. One thing is certainty: when I outgrew this school, I ceased to celebrate my birthday. Possibly this is because it was somewhere around this time that I gained a new identity in Christ, so that time is now simply another step towards an eternity of peace, one more bead of sweat toiling in the kingdom. For both of these I am grateful and I am dedicated to the truth that God will be glorified regardless of whether I breathe once more. Yet each breath is a grace. Birthdays have since lost their meaning to me, just as the rest of the holidays (even Christmas and Easter!), because my immediate family has ceased to celebrate these traditions, pagan or true. Even the Sabbath has not changed from its sinfully derelict weekly state in my family. Perhaps this is also consistent with my father's abandonment, which happened somewhere around this time. Yet these "Holy Days" do have significance because they are convenient tools to witness to the nations of the historicity of God's redemption and the commemoration thereof, especially the Christian Lord's Day, celebrating the work of Christ, especially His resurrection. (Did you know? God CHANGED the calendar [but then again, He created time!] for the Israelites to crown the Passover as the FIRST month, signifying the supremacy of God's redemption over the year. Similarly, Jesus rose on the first of the week, thus signifying the supremacy of Jesus's love over death and the re-ordering of the week.)
I'll be going to school on my birthday tomorrow. If you read this before then, reader, please do not wish me a happy birthday, but instead consider the Creator of time, the Master of our destinies, the Judge of Life and Death, the Conqueror of death, the Victor over sin, the Redeemer of souls. After all, what is a birthday? It's simply a day that I (like all other human beings) caused much grief to my mother. In fact, I was delivered Caesarean-style. Apparently I was a testy child, and I didn't allow my mother sleep before or after I was born, which makes me sorrowful, even if my tears were uncontrollable at the time. But I digress. A birthday is something silly to be celebrated. There is no effective difference between 18 years & 364 days and 19 years of age. There is no effective difference between 20 years & 364 days and 21 years of age, nor from 15 years & 364 days and 16 years. There may be certain milestones that are unlocked to be attained, according to the law of the land, such as the purchase and consumption of legal drugs and pornography, the ability to drive alone with a driver's license, the ability to serve one's country in the armed forces or in the poll booths, the forced responsibilities of maturity. Yet I argue that none of these singleton days constitute any substantial change, any noteworthy maturing, nor any change in conduct at all. These milestones and one's response to each reflects what one really feels towards that ability. You would only get drunk on your twenty-first birthday if you were already desiring the drug enough to overindulge. You would only join the army on your eighteenth if you were already interested in serving your country. You would only go buy the pornography legally if you already had a major problem with lust. And we are all born sinners, and the Bible says that sinners have earned hell. We are criminals and we trespass and endeavor diligently every day to spit in the face of the Judge.
Yet there is hope. Christians have faith in the power of God's love, the power that condescends to weakness in order to lift us to strength. God sent His Son to die for us, bearing our sin, our cross, our shame, that we may be resurrected with Him to life. This happens now. Don't wait, reader, until Your life is laid bare in judgment, for you cannot hire a lawyer while the court is in session, and you will NOT be able to answer the prosecutor (that is, the devil) when he accuses you of all your crimes, all your debt, all your guilt. Claim Christ, our innocent defending attorney who petitions to the Honorable Judge to bear our guilt, to pay all our outstanding debts, and to absolve us of our crimes by suffering the eternal punishment justly due. Justice will be served, and God will be glorified in His verdict.
Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour
all for love's sake becamest poor;
Thrones for a manger You didst surrender;
Sapphire-paved courts for stable floor.
Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour
all for love's sake becamest poor.
Thou who wast God beyond all praising
all for love's sake becamest man;
Stooping so low, but sinners raising
Heavenwards by Thine eternal plan.
Thou who wast God beyond all praising
all for love's sake becamest man.
Thou who art Love beyond all telling:
Savior and King, we worship Thee.
Emmanuel, within us dwelling,
make us what thou wouldst have us be.
Thou who art Love beyond all telling:
Savior and King, we worship Thee.
--Joseph
Let Your Heart Be Broken (Red #595)
Let your heart be broken for a world in need:
Feed the mouths that hunger,
Soothe the wounds that bleed.
Give the cup of water, and the loaf of bread.
Be the hands of Jesus, serving in his stead.
Here on earth applying principles of love.
Visible expression, God still rules above.
Living illustration of the living word,
To the minds of all who've never seen or heard.
Blest to be a blessing, privileged to care,
Challenged be the need, apparent everywhere.
Where mankind is wanting, fill the vacant place.
Be the means through which
The Lord reveals His grace.
Add to your believing deeds that prove it true,
Knowing Christ as Savior, Make Him Master too.
Follow in His footsteps, go where he has trod;
In the worlds great trouble risk yourself for God.
Let your heart be tender and your vision clear;
See mankind as God sees, serve Him far and near.
Let your heart be broken by a brother's pain;
Share your rich resources, give and give again.
Feed the mouths that hunger,
Soothe the wounds that bleed.
Give the cup of water, and the loaf of bread.
Be the hands of Jesus, serving in his stead.
Here on earth applying principles of love.
Visible expression, God still rules above.
Living illustration of the living word,
To the minds of all who've never seen or heard.
Blest to be a blessing, privileged to care,
Challenged be the need, apparent everywhere.
Where mankind is wanting, fill the vacant place.
Be the means through which
The Lord reveals His grace.
Add to your believing deeds that prove it true,
Knowing Christ as Savior, Make Him Master too.
Follow in His footsteps, go where he has trod;
In the worlds great trouble risk yourself for God.
Let your heart be tender and your vision clear;
See mankind as God sees, serve Him far and near.
Let your heart be broken by a brother's pain;
Share your rich resources, give and give again.
Meta-Blackberries: a parable
I had a blackberry vine that I tended as I grew up. No one else was interested in gardening, but I loved this plant, even as it pricked me and caused me pain and tears and sweat and time. Every weekend I would water it, even after my brother had, (for I knew it needed more water!), and there were many nights that I came to this plant to sing and dance and cry. Many nights I found my dear cat snuggled in a gap she made--a little nest to keep her safe. I was jealous sometimes of her fur coat that resisted the cold and the thorns that both tore my skin. Hah. Well, maybe not the cold (it hardly ever lowers past the freezing point, even in the darkest winters).
Which reminds me that before the blackberry bush, we had a tomato plant. Since this was a very spacious and flat area of soil, both were able to grow well, though the blackberry was quick to utilize the adjacent wall and lattice to optimize its growing space. I detest the smell of tomatoes. But still I worked the soil, weeding in between both tomatoes and blackberries, knowing that my father would be pleased with both fruits, regardless of which pleased me more.
Before either the blackberry vine or the tomato plant, I had a sunflower that I grew in a cup, which quickly took to the sunny patch that the blackberry and tomato would eventually abide in. It seemed to me that the sunflower was my competition. We'd each grow inches each week, it seemed, and my parents chronicled my height with the yardstick they'd planted alongside the sunflower. I remember it was about that time that I wanted to start learning how to spit, so I asked whether we could harvest these sunflower seeds. I remember my father saying we couldn't, and something about the seeds needing to be roasted. I didn't understand much, and soon the sunflower was gone. I don't know where he went, nor did I understand why he had to leave.
Now both sunflower and blackberry/tomato patches are desolate, and my job is to till and clear the soil.
My mother really wanted a tomato plant, though, for homegrown vegetables. She says they taste better, but I'm still averse to the smell of tomatoes. Which is quite unfortunate, I know. She told me to plant the tomato plant on the other side of the fence that separated the large lot of the previous plants and the shaded area of our backyard. I didn't think this was a good idea, since tomatoes, like other vines, enjoy lots of sunlight. But I did as she said, and then I left for the Czech Republic, doubtful of the plant's survival without my care, the care of the gardener.
When I returned from the Czech Republic, 40 days later (not counting the flights), the plant was overgrown, and the smell traveled with me to the shower and then wafted in my room to strangle my sleep. The air is thick and musty and a ba'ash [Hebrew transliteration, "stench"] to my nostrils.
Nowadays, the square lot of my youth and of the vines is still desolate, and I must confess, reader, that I have not been faithful in tending my garden as I ought. The blackberries, though, did not die out when they were given an ultimatum with the tomatoes to be stomped into oblivion when I would clear the square lot. They were cast into the shadows of the shady part of my backyard, and they thrive now amongst the weeds of the shade. Away from the sun, they still manage to catch glimpses of the light's power in the evening, when sunlight drifts through cracks, setting some plants into upright devotion. It's beautiful to see them, this remnant bringing forth fruit with such little faith in the life they receive. Their fruit makes me smile even as the thorns pierce my hands.
---------
Yesterday, I drove Christopher grocery shopping, since he doesn't have a car to carry stuff. We stopped at H-Mart and found that blackberries were $0.79 / 6 oz. carton, which is a HUGE deal! Or maybe it's a minuscule deal, since it's such a low cost. I've never understood that conjunctive adjective. My mother complained that they're overripe, but to me they're as sweet as a sunrise, promising a good day. Yet they were also a bittersweet reminder that I have a job that I cannot shirk, and it's almost as if God is saying, "Remember how sweet that fruit is? Remember the faithfulness required to produce such sweetness? Remember the tart, the smart, the heart of the lesson? Remember how I planted you? Remember how I gave you life and tended you as a vine?"
See from His head, His hands, His crown
sorrow and love flow mingled down?
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
or thorns compose so rich a crown?
My fruit must be sweet to demonstrate the living waters my Father the Husbandman pours out on me, to reflect the gloriously bright fire of the Holy Spirit that warms my frame and my heart, and to attest to the True Vine that my Father grafts me into, that I would be a pleasing aroma and the scent of life to those dying branches and dying seeds.
---------
Hear the words of Jesus:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.
He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit,
while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes/cleans
so that it will be even more fruitful.
You are already pruned/clean
because of the word I have spoken to you.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
No branch can bear fruit by itself;
it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
I am the vine; you are the branches.
If a man remains in me and I in him,
he will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not remain in me,
he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; {Psalm 1}
such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
This is to my Father's glory,
that you bear much fruit,
showing yourselves to be my disciples.
As the Father has loved me,
so have I loved you.
Now remain in my love.
If you obey my commands,
you will remain in my love,
just as I have obeyed my Father's commands
and remain in His love.
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you
and that your joy may be complete.
My command is this:
Love each other as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.
Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose me, but I chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last.
Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in My name.
This is My command:
Love each other.
If the world hates you,
keep in mind that it hated me first.
If you belonged to the world,
it would love you as its own.
As it is,
you do not belong to the world,
but I have chosen you out of the world.
That is why the world hates you.
Remember the words I spoke to you:
'No servant is greater than his master.' (John 13:16)
If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.
If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.
They will treat you this way because of My name,
for they do not know the One who sent me. {Note: Jesus assumes majority disapproval!}
If I had not come and spoken to them,
they would not be guilty of sin.
Now, however,
they have no excuse for their sin.
He who hates me hates my Father as well.
If I had not done among them what no one else did,
they would not be guilty of sin.
But now they have seen these miracles,
and yet they have hated both me and my Father.
But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law:
'They hated me without reason.' (Psalms 35:19, 69:4)
When the Counselor comes,
whom I will send to you from the Father,
the Spirit of Truth who goes out from the Father,
He will testify about me.
And you also must testify,
for you have been with me from the beginning.
John 15 (NASB)
Which reminds me that before the blackberry bush, we had a tomato plant. Since this was a very spacious and flat area of soil, both were able to grow well, though the blackberry was quick to utilize the adjacent wall and lattice to optimize its growing space. I detest the smell of tomatoes. But still I worked the soil, weeding in between both tomatoes and blackberries, knowing that my father would be pleased with both fruits, regardless of which pleased me more.
Before either the blackberry vine or the tomato plant, I had a sunflower that I grew in a cup, which quickly took to the sunny patch that the blackberry and tomato would eventually abide in. It seemed to me that the sunflower was my competition. We'd each grow inches each week, it seemed, and my parents chronicled my height with the yardstick they'd planted alongside the sunflower. I remember it was about that time that I wanted to start learning how to spit, so I asked whether we could harvest these sunflower seeds. I remember my father saying we couldn't, and something about the seeds needing to be roasted. I didn't understand much, and soon the sunflower was gone. I don't know where he went, nor did I understand why he had to leave.
Now both sunflower and blackberry/tomato patches are desolate, and my job is to till and clear the soil.
My mother really wanted a tomato plant, though, for homegrown vegetables. She says they taste better, but I'm still averse to the smell of tomatoes. Which is quite unfortunate, I know. She told me to plant the tomato plant on the other side of the fence that separated the large lot of the previous plants and the shaded area of our backyard. I didn't think this was a good idea, since tomatoes, like other vines, enjoy lots of sunlight. But I did as she said, and then I left for the Czech Republic, doubtful of the plant's survival without my care, the care of the gardener.
When I returned from the Czech Republic, 40 days later (not counting the flights), the plant was overgrown, and the smell traveled with me to the shower and then wafted in my room to strangle my sleep. The air is thick and musty and a ba'ash [Hebrew transliteration, "stench"] to my nostrils.
Nowadays, the square lot of my youth and of the vines is still desolate, and I must confess, reader, that I have not been faithful in tending my garden as I ought. The blackberries, though, did not die out when they were given an ultimatum with the tomatoes to be stomped into oblivion when I would clear the square lot. They were cast into the shadows of the shady part of my backyard, and they thrive now amongst the weeds of the shade. Away from the sun, they still manage to catch glimpses of the light's power in the evening, when sunlight drifts through cracks, setting some plants into upright devotion. It's beautiful to see them, this remnant bringing forth fruit with such little faith in the life they receive. Their fruit makes me smile even as the thorns pierce my hands.
---------
Yesterday, I drove Christopher grocery shopping, since he doesn't have a car to carry stuff. We stopped at H-Mart and found that blackberries were $0.79 / 6 oz. carton, which is a HUGE deal! Or maybe it's a minuscule deal, since it's such a low cost. I've never understood that conjunctive adjective. My mother complained that they're overripe, but to me they're as sweet as a sunrise, promising a good day. Yet they were also a bittersweet reminder that I have a job that I cannot shirk, and it's almost as if God is saying, "Remember how sweet that fruit is? Remember the faithfulness required to produce such sweetness? Remember the tart, the smart, the heart of the lesson? Remember how I planted you? Remember how I gave you life and tended you as a vine?"
See from His head, His hands, His crown
sorrow and love flow mingled down?
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
or thorns compose so rich a crown?
My fruit must be sweet to demonstrate the living waters my Father the Husbandman pours out on me, to reflect the gloriously bright fire of the Holy Spirit that warms my frame and my heart, and to attest to the True Vine that my Father grafts me into, that I would be a pleasing aroma and the scent of life to those dying branches and dying seeds.
---------
Hear the words of Jesus:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.
He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit,
while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes/cleans
so that it will be even more fruitful.
You are already pruned/clean
because of the word I have spoken to you.
Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
No branch can bear fruit by itself;
it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
I am the vine; you are the branches.
If a man remains in me and I in him,
he will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not remain in me,
he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; {Psalm 1}
such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.
If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.
This is to my Father's glory,
that you bear much fruit,
showing yourselves to be my disciples.
As the Father has loved me,
so have I loved you.
Now remain in my love.
If you obey my commands,
you will remain in my love,
just as I have obeyed my Father's commands
and remain in His love.
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you
and that your joy may be complete.
My command is this:
Love each other as I have loved you.
Greater love has no one than this,
that he lay down his life for his friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business.
Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
You did not choose me, but I chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last.
Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in My name.
This is My command:
Love each other.
If the world hates you,
keep in mind that it hated me first.
If you belonged to the world,
it would love you as its own.
As it is,
you do not belong to the world,
but I have chosen you out of the world.
That is why the world hates you.
Remember the words I spoke to you:
'No servant is greater than his master.' (John 13:16)
If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also.
If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.
They will treat you this way because of My name,
for they do not know the One who sent me. {Note: Jesus assumes majority disapproval!}
If I had not come and spoken to them,
they would not be guilty of sin.
Now, however,
they have no excuse for their sin.
He who hates me hates my Father as well.
If I had not done among them what no one else did,
they would not be guilty of sin.
But now they have seen these miracles,
and yet they have hated both me and my Father.
But this is to fulfill what is written in their Law:
'They hated me without reason.' (Psalms 35:19, 69:4)
When the Counselor comes,
whom I will send to you from the Father,
the Spirit of Truth who goes out from the Father,
He will testify about me.
And you also must testify,
for you have been with me from the beginning.
John 15 (NASB)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.
This song has been on my mind the last while--I wish we sang it in church. It's a beautiful harmony, a beautiful song, about our beautiful Comforter.
I just noticed that the NIV has come out with a newer translation of the Bible, based more on modern English to compromise for better readability, which really makes me sad. Guess I'll be looking into a different translation to memorize--I can't preach from a translation that isn't used any longer! Nor, I guess, could I compromise.
I remember as a child, I used to drill memory verses with my mother until I could say them "by heart." Apparently my mother often grew weary of my poor memory, but she kept having me write them and say them until I was sure that "the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night." (Psalm 121:6)
I just noticed that the NIV has come out with a newer translation of the Bible, based more on modern English to compromise for better readability, which really makes me sad. Guess I'll be looking into a different translation to memorize--I can't preach from a translation that isn't used any longer! Nor, I guess, could I compromise.
I remember as a child, I used to drill memory verses with my mother until I could say them "by heart." Apparently my mother often grew weary of my poor memory, but she kept having me write them and say them until I was sure that "the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night." (Psalm 121:6)
Mark, the road to Rome.
Jesus is my Triumphant.
O my God, even these small things? You rouse my ear with your whispers of love and instruction in the mornings. You constantly provide all things I need, and then some. Help me to want to want to want to worship You, so that I'll want to want to please You, so that I'll want to serve You, so that I'll bless You.
Assuage my heart that I have nothing to worry about in tomorrow, while You lead me through today's green pastures. That's a lack of trust on my part, and You are Faithful and True! Jesus, give me grace to persevere.
I need Your Spirit more than ever. Use me powerfully, as a tool and a witness, a lighthouse in stormy waters. Help me to wander from my flickering home to walk the waves and to plumb the depths of Your love as You drag my waterlogged and wanderlust spirit from the deep once again, failing to trust in Your hand of redemption. Let me search and rescue lost souls with Your grace!
You are my hiding place.
O my God, even these small things? You rouse my ear with your whispers of love and instruction in the mornings. You constantly provide all things I need, and then some. Help me to want to want to want to worship You, so that I'll want to want to please You, so that I'll want to serve You, so that I'll bless You.
Assuage my heart that I have nothing to worry about in tomorrow, while You lead me through today's green pastures. That's a lack of trust on my part, and You are Faithful and True! Jesus, give me grace to persevere.
I need Your Spirit more than ever. Use me powerfully, as a tool and a witness, a lighthouse in stormy waters. Help me to wander from my flickering home to walk the waves and to plumb the depths of Your love as You drag my waterlogged and wanderlust spirit from the deep once again, failing to trust in Your hand of redemption. Let me search and rescue lost souls with Your grace!
You are my hiding place.
Monday, November 14, 2011
A scent of madness.
So I like starting a lot of my sentences with "So...," which has really begun to irritate me. Not only is it stale, I'm pretty sure it isn't grammatically correct. Speaking of grammar, my music theory professor said something awesome.
"Something awesome."
Okay, just kidding. I wouldn't do that to you.
"Up from what [note] did you come from to get to C? Oh, wow. That's some crazy Yoda syntax there." --Professor Rasmussen
Besides music theory being AWESOME (more on that in the Circle of Fifths, below), Greek is coming along quite quickly. The past week and next week are throwing my teacher off, because of the two Fridays she'll miss, but we've just covered personal pronouns, contracting omega-verbs, and now we learned the third declension nouns today. I think my brain is going to explode.
In other news, there was guy playing the bagpipes in the parking lot a couple weeks ago! Well, I suppose it could have been a girl, but bagpipes are such masculine instruments. Assumptions, Joseph. Bad.
On the topic of the parking lot, I get to school a few minutes before 9 A.M. three days a week, and my spot is always available--the closest one to the crosswalk. Today it wasn't. Grrr. It's not that I have any sort of attachment to this spot, you see, but it's just that it gives me some excellent practice at parking straight, since this particular spot is pretty uneven, since it conjoins the sidewalk with the rest of the parking lot. Weird. Also, it doesn't have a, uh... What are those things called? The things on the ground that prevent you from pulling forward into the wall (or down the grassy hill, in my case)? Parking curbs? Yeah, well, this spot is not only crooked, but it lacks that curb thing! It always freaks me out when I park there. What if my car rolls down the hill? What if the parking break doesn't work?
My library card has something going on. I apparently have a $0.45 fine, but I don't think that's what's allotted me a library hold. Maybe it's because I'm an "adult" now, though I was pretty certain that I already had an adult card... not that it's much different. I think the fines just increase, since maturity and responsibility come with age, RIGHT?
I completely understand why some women enjoy wearing pantyhose. Now, just give me another sentence to explain myself, reader, and don't you go drawing any conclusions here! I accidentally put on a pair of dress socks (you see, going to my great-uncle's funeral on Saturday and church on Sunday makes for a different set of clothes I wear), and they made me feel classy. In my tennis shoes. Black socks, blue tennis shoes... I can pull it off.
Something I'll probably tell you if we ever talk for a while is that I'm weird. Eccentric, if I were rich.
If I were a rich man I'd have the time that I lack
to sit in the synagogue [church!] and pray
and maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall!
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men,
several hours every day--
that would be the sweetest thing of all!
I do this weird thing where I optimize my walking efficiency. Whether that's employing different tactics I'd picked up from cross country about navigating hills, or being quick to sidestep through crowds, or simply to pick the most efficient route through a room, I've always been able to navigate well on my feet. (Why has this same trait not characterized the way I am productive in my daily worship??) I count stairs, since I dislike taking stairs uphill one at a time, and I've gotten fairly good at predicting whether an architect chose an odd or an even number of stairs to number the first flight, since they often switch off-- odd-even-odd-even. It's fascinating. Trust me--go try it.
Word of advice: Don't go down staircases two steps at a time.
You understand, reader, how we as humans enjoy our beautiful faces so much that we build and incorporate them into pretty much everything. Cars... yeah. I can't think of anything else right now. Anyways, my car does not smile. In fact, it looks almost like a flat-mouthed scowl, with its headlights drawn low with the hood furrowing its brow...but she's my darling.
I really DISLIKE the way the cursive capital "P" looks. It's really hard to sign my name without making my last name look really odd.
The Circle of Fifths! Now, this thing is truly amazing. I know, I know. It's a man-made instrument, tailored to Western music. But that doesn't take away from its awesomeness! The deal with the circle of fifths is that it helps you understand and predict how many (and even where, maybe) sharps/flats a key will have. I'm not sure if it only works for the major scales, or if it works for the minor scales too, but nonetheless, I'm very impressed. Good job, humanity. And God, music is lovely, as always, and I'm still practicing the hymns I know!
Speaking of praising men and God. I'm having serious problems coming to grips with free-will, culpability, determinism, and God's sovereignty. Obviously God is the ultimate and prime mover behind all things, which as a Christian, I know to be for His own glory and for the good of His children. And I can understand that all of our actions, good and evil, are only secondary causes for the things we affect. This leaves culpability in the hands of the condemned, who, with our sinless forefather Adam, fell from perfection. Original sin thus brings ultimate condemnation, but what of immediate retribution and justice? Thus, God ordains the civil magistrate to enact and enforce laws (which must abide by the standard of God's law and holiness to be just laws), for the protection and justice of the people. If a man rapes a woman, he is doubtless condemned to hell by the primary cause (the Creator and Judge of all), as is the default setting for all fallen men, but he (the secondary cause and secondary mover) is also liable to immediate punishment by the secondary judge based on his physical crimes.
After all, we don't feel like puppets. And the "devil/God made me do it" line surely won't work in an American court of law to ease culpability. This is the way things are, but God is in control. The contrary is impossible, and so is the thought that God could be anything but all-good, all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present.
I'm going to die. That much is certain. I can only pray and hope and strive to worship God as earnestly and as all-fully as I can. I don't think that's a word, but that's about what "[love the LORD your God] with all your might" (Deuteronomy 6:5) means. With EVERYTHING. After doing ten reps of the incline press, it's doing those extra sets. After a day of work, it's going the extra mile to make friends out of enemies. After running ten miles, it's going back and running alongside your staggering friends, encouraging them with the few gasps of air that you can manage through a dry tongue and a pair of sore lungs. After being stoned and left to die, it is standing up and waltzing back into Jerusalem. After dying, it is the resurrection.
"Something awesome."
Okay, just kidding. I wouldn't do that to you.
"Up from what [note] did you come from to get to C? Oh, wow. That's some crazy Yoda syntax there." --Professor Rasmussen
Besides music theory being AWESOME (more on that in the Circle of Fifths, below), Greek is coming along quite quickly. The past week and next week are throwing my teacher off, because of the two Fridays she'll miss, but we've just covered personal pronouns, contracting omega-verbs, and now we learned the third declension nouns today. I think my brain is going to explode.
In other news, there was guy playing the bagpipes in the parking lot a couple weeks ago! Well, I suppose it could have been a girl, but bagpipes are such masculine instruments. Assumptions, Joseph. Bad.
On the topic of the parking lot, I get to school a few minutes before 9 A.M. three days a week, and my spot is always available--the closest one to the crosswalk. Today it wasn't. Grrr. It's not that I have any sort of attachment to this spot, you see, but it's just that it gives me some excellent practice at parking straight, since this particular spot is pretty uneven, since it conjoins the sidewalk with the rest of the parking lot. Weird. Also, it doesn't have a, uh... What are those things called? The things on the ground that prevent you from pulling forward into the wall (or down the grassy hill, in my case)? Parking curbs? Yeah, well, this spot is not only crooked, but it lacks that curb thing! It always freaks me out when I park there. What if my car rolls down the hill? What if the parking break doesn't work?
My library card has something going on. I apparently have a $0.45 fine, but I don't think that's what's allotted me a library hold. Maybe it's because I'm an "adult" now, though I was pretty certain that I already had an adult card... not that it's much different. I think the fines just increase, since maturity and responsibility come with age, RIGHT?
I completely understand why some women enjoy wearing pantyhose. Now, just give me another sentence to explain myself, reader, and don't you go drawing any conclusions here! I accidentally put on a pair of dress socks (you see, going to my great-uncle's funeral on Saturday and church on Sunday makes for a different set of clothes I wear), and they made me feel classy. In my tennis shoes. Black socks, blue tennis shoes... I can pull it off.
Something I'll probably tell you if we ever talk for a while is that I'm weird. Eccentric, if I were rich.
If I were a rich man I'd have the time that I lack
to sit in the synagogue [church!] and pray
and maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall!
And I'd discuss the holy books with the learned men,
several hours every day--
that would be the sweetest thing of all!
I do this weird thing where I optimize my walking efficiency. Whether that's employing different tactics I'd picked up from cross country about navigating hills, or being quick to sidestep through crowds, or simply to pick the most efficient route through a room, I've always been able to navigate well on my feet. (Why has this same trait not characterized the way I am productive in my daily worship??) I count stairs, since I dislike taking stairs uphill one at a time, and I've gotten fairly good at predicting whether an architect chose an odd or an even number of stairs to number the first flight, since they often switch off-- odd-even-odd-even. It's fascinating. Trust me--go try it.
Word of advice: Don't go down staircases two steps at a time.
You understand, reader, how we as humans enjoy our beautiful faces so much that we build and incorporate them into pretty much everything. Cars... yeah. I can't think of anything else right now. Anyways, my car does not smile. In fact, it looks almost like a flat-mouthed scowl, with its headlights drawn low with the hood furrowing its brow...but she's my darling.
I really DISLIKE the way the cursive capital "P" looks. It's really hard to sign my name without making my last name look really odd.
The Circle of Fifths! Now, this thing is truly amazing. I know, I know. It's a man-made instrument, tailored to Western music. But that doesn't take away from its awesomeness! The deal with the circle of fifths is that it helps you understand and predict how many (and even where, maybe) sharps/flats a key will have. I'm not sure if it only works for the major scales, or if it works for the minor scales too, but nonetheless, I'm very impressed. Good job, humanity. And God, music is lovely, as always, and I'm still practicing the hymns I know!
Speaking of praising men and God. I'm having serious problems coming to grips with free-will, culpability, determinism, and God's sovereignty. Obviously God is the ultimate and prime mover behind all things, which as a Christian, I know to be for His own glory and for the good of His children. And I can understand that all of our actions, good and evil, are only secondary causes for the things we affect. This leaves culpability in the hands of the condemned, who, with our sinless forefather Adam, fell from perfection. Original sin thus brings ultimate condemnation, but what of immediate retribution and justice? Thus, God ordains the civil magistrate to enact and enforce laws (which must abide by the standard of God's law and holiness to be just laws), for the protection and justice of the people. If a man rapes a woman, he is doubtless condemned to hell by the primary cause (the Creator and Judge of all), as is the default setting for all fallen men, but he (the secondary cause and secondary mover) is also liable to immediate punishment by the secondary judge based on his physical crimes.
After all, we don't feel like puppets. And the "devil/God made me do it" line surely won't work in an American court of law to ease culpability. This is the way things are, but God is in control. The contrary is impossible, and so is the thought that God could be anything but all-good, all-powerful, all-knowing, all-present.
I'm going to die. That much is certain. I can only pray and hope and strive to worship God as earnestly and as all-fully as I can. I don't think that's a word, but that's about what "[love the LORD your God] with all your might" (Deuteronomy 6:5) means. With EVERYTHING. After doing ten reps of the incline press, it's doing those extra sets. After a day of work, it's going the extra mile to make friends out of enemies. After running ten miles, it's going back and running alongside your staggering friends, encouraging them with the few gasps of air that you can manage through a dry tongue and a pair of sore lungs. After being stoned and left to die, it is standing up and waltzing back into Jerusalem. After dying, it is the resurrection.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
You turn my mourning into dancing.
And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:5
i buried my "little grandfather" today, Father. though i know that he's in Your arms of love, there's still a big chunk torn from my heart. You called him home, and Your Spirit calms our minds with the promise that these wounds will heal, and that we will not suffer irreversible scars because Jesus was flayed with the griefs of being eternally separated from You, Father, on our behalf!
yet is there not a time for grief and mourning? these are wounds, after all, Father. the israelites mourned the death of moses, and my little grandpa met his own jordan river this past tuesday.
"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21b
Father, i thank You for my little grandpa's faith. truly You do not have grandchildren, but Your covenant has been passed down by my grandparents!
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame--rising again, I bless Your name.
You are my all in all.
he must have seen how You were using him to demonstrate Your love to his children. he was an abel and a jacob in that You chose him to be superior, and that he presented a better life-song-offering than his brother.
When I fall down, You pick me up; when I am dry, You fill my cup.
You are my all in all.
he was an abraham, as You brought two families from him, and You called him away from his homeland to California, where You placed his destiny. he was a boaz, when he raised not one, but three of his brother's children as his very own. he was david, as he loved and sought You with all his heart--and You fulfilled that wish.
When You said, "Seek my face,"
my heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I shall seek."
Psalm 27:8
he imitated Jesus in his unwavering faith for his bride and the children given to him. he followed his Master's footsteps as he insisted on washing others' feet. he imitated paul in his lifelong effort to serve You, pouring out his dregs which You call sweet. this is a pleasing aroma--that we, like broken leaves, may release the grace that frees and fulfills and follows us only when we're destroyed.
Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5b
My Jesus, as Thou wilt. When death itself draws nigh,
unto Thy wounded side for refuge I would fly
and, clinging to Thee, go where Thou before hast gone.
My times are in Thy hand: My Lord, Thy will be done.
(My Jesus, As Thou Wilt. Red Hymnal #...)
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on, I'll sing on;
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on.
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing and joyful be,
And through eternity, I'll sing on, I'll sing on;
And through eternity, I'll sing on.
(What Wondrous Love Is This? Red Hymnal #261)
Romans 5:5
i buried my "little grandfather" today, Father. though i know that he's in Your arms of love, there's still a big chunk torn from my heart. You called him home, and Your Spirit calms our minds with the promise that these wounds will heal, and that we will not suffer irreversible scars because Jesus was flayed with the griefs of being eternally separated from You, Father, on our behalf!
yet is there not a time for grief and mourning? these are wounds, after all, Father. the israelites mourned the death of moses, and my little grandpa met his own jordan river this past tuesday.
"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21b
Father, i thank You for my little grandpa's faith. truly You do not have grandchildren, but Your covenant has been passed down by my grandparents!
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame--rising again, I bless Your name.
You are my all in all.
he must have seen how You were using him to demonstrate Your love to his children. he was an abel and a jacob in that You chose him to be superior, and that he presented a better life-song-offering than his brother.
When I fall down, You pick me up; when I am dry, You fill my cup.
You are my all in all.
he was an abraham, as You brought two families from him, and You called him away from his homeland to California, where You placed his destiny. he was a boaz, when he raised not one, but three of his brother's children as his very own. he was david, as he loved and sought You with all his heart--and You fulfilled that wish.
When You said, "Seek my face,"
my heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I shall seek."
Psalm 27:8
he imitated Jesus in his unwavering faith for his bride and the children given to him. he followed his Master's footsteps as he insisted on washing others' feet. he imitated paul in his lifelong effort to serve You, pouring out his dregs which You call sweet. this is a pleasing aroma--that we, like broken leaves, may release the grace that frees and fulfills and follows us only when we're destroyed.
Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5b
My Jesus, as Thou wilt. When death itself draws nigh,
unto Thy wounded side for refuge I would fly
and, clinging to Thee, go where Thou before hast gone.
My times are in Thy hand: My Lord, Thy will be done.
(My Jesus, As Thou Wilt. Red Hymnal #...)
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on, I'll sing on;
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on.
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing and joyful be,
And through eternity, I'll sing on, I'll sing on;
And through eternity, I'll sing on.
(What Wondrous Love Is This? Red Hymnal #261)
Friday, November 11, 2011
Gasping
He kneels there, on that lonely hill
shivering in the cold.
But he will not rest (how could he?)
his love would soon unfold.
He could not sleep the night before;
his eyes are steely set
so great his love, his body exhausts
the store of anxious sweat.
Nothing to fear, the time draws near
for groom to take his place.
The bride's faith waxes in the light
of his bright smiling face
The sun creeps over that hill,
all fogs and fears are gone.
Before the bride will show herself,
the groom bursts out in song--
"Soon my love is written in stone,
soon the covenant made;
soon her eyes will never be sad,
soon the price will be paid."
And with that note, they led him away
to the court where the priest
would pronounce the word of the Lord,
"Two are one; love's released."
But this time was different--
this time the groom was bound;
this time all things seem lost;
this time anguish will sound.
"I stand condemned for you, dear bride,
never forget my love for you!
It's for your life I died, dear bride;
So you would live anew."
Gasping, he dies on bended knee,
his faith would never falter!
Now front and center, all may see
that his tree is the altar.
shivering in the cold.
But he will not rest (how could he?)
his love would soon unfold.
He could not sleep the night before;
his eyes are steely set
so great his love, his body exhausts
the store of anxious sweat.
Nothing to fear, the time draws near
for groom to take his place.
The bride's faith waxes in the light
of his bright smiling face
The sun creeps over that hill,
all fogs and fears are gone.
Before the bride will show herself,
the groom bursts out in song--
"Soon my love is written in stone,
soon the covenant made;
soon her eyes will never be sad,
soon the price will be paid."
And with that note, they led him away
to the court where the priest
would pronounce the word of the Lord,
"Two are one; love's released."
But this time was different--
this time the groom was bound;
this time all things seem lost;
this time anguish will sound.
"I stand condemned for you, dear bride,
never forget my love for you!
It's for your life I died, dear bride;
So you would live anew."
Gasping, he dies on bended knee,
his faith would never falter!
Now front and center, all may see
that his tree is the altar.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
The dream. (Thurs-Fri, October 27-28)
I don't normally have dreams, and if I do they hardly ever are vivid or important enough for me to write them down. But I had a dream last week that shook me.
---------------------------------
My father and brother and I were walking west down Wardlow Avenue, towards the freeway, maybe in the morning--the time we usually eat breakfast together every other week, I suppose. (There's been repaving going on recently on Wardlow, so I'll attribute that to my dream's immediate prevalence.) The sidewalk was being repaired, but nobody was working on them, so my father and Calvin and I kept walking, ducking under the yellow caution tape. Weaving around the orange cones that lined the sidewalk, we came to the first intersection, which I actually can't remember. Lewis? Lemon? Anyways, there was a plastic barricade set up perpendicular to our path, which doesn't make any sense, since barricades that block streets run parallel to sidewalks. This barricade dissected the two lanes of this intersection. So, logically, instead of going around the barricade, all three of us decide to hurdle it. But I stopped, before I jumped, and noticed a paper note flapping in the breeze, taped to this dividing wall. It read simply:
He who would claim the prize
MUST wash his weary eyes
And then I woke up.
---------------------------------
At first, with vivid dreams like these, I try desperately to fall back to sleep to continue the dream (and sometimes it works!), but with this one, I felt urged to write these details down. Let's speculate as to the interpretation of this dream!
---------------------------------
My father and brother and I were walking west down Wardlow Avenue, towards the freeway, maybe in the morning--the time we usually eat breakfast together every other week, I suppose. (There's been repaving going on recently on Wardlow, so I'll attribute that to my dream's immediate prevalence.) The sidewalk was being repaired, but nobody was working on them, so my father and Calvin and I kept walking, ducking under the yellow caution tape. Weaving around the orange cones that lined the sidewalk, we came to the first intersection, which I actually can't remember. Lewis? Lemon? Anyways, there was a plastic barricade set up perpendicular to our path, which doesn't make any sense, since barricades that block streets run parallel to sidewalks. This barricade dissected the two lanes of this intersection. So, logically, instead of going around the barricade, all three of us decide to hurdle it. But I stopped, before I jumped, and noticed a paper note flapping in the breeze, taped to this dividing wall. It read simply:
He who would claim the prize
MUST wash his weary eyes
And then I woke up.
---------------------------------
At first, with vivid dreams like these, I try desperately to fall back to sleep to continue the dream (and sometimes it works!), but with this one, I felt urged to write these details down. Let's speculate as to the interpretation of this dream!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I can show you the world. {Part 2}
Again, the devil took Him to a very high mountain and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory; and he said to Him, "All these things I will give You if You fall down and worship me."
Matthew 4:8-9
My parents think that making money and raising a family with that money will be necessary and sufficient to satisfy me and to make me happy. Because that's what they say--that they want me to to be happy and to have a "better life."
I'm not sure what that means, since "better" implies a comparison, and since my parents come from radically different pasts, I could easily satisfy living a "better life" than one or the other. My mom grew up in the aftermath of the Korean War of the '60s, so if I grow up to be rich enough to afford three different meals for myself and a family, I'd satisfy her. My dad, on the other hand, grew up in Manhattan Beach and I have followed a similar path as his so far, for better and worse. For instance, I graduated from Valley Christian in Cerritos, 30 years after he did. But as he's in the computer business, there are a limited number of jobs that would financially set me in a "better life" than the exponentially-increasingly valuable IT field. (See what I did there? That's right. Adverb-adverb) So what am I to do?
"Honor your father and mother..." Exodus 20:12a NASB
Matthew 4:8-9
My parents think that making money and raising a family with that money will be necessary and sufficient to satisfy me and to make me happy. Because that's what they say--that they want me to to be happy and to have a "better life."
I'm not sure what that means, since "better" implies a comparison, and since my parents come from radically different pasts, I could easily satisfy living a "better life" than one or the other. My mom grew up in the aftermath of the Korean War of the '60s, so if I grow up to be rich enough to afford three different meals for myself and a family, I'd satisfy her. My dad, on the other hand, grew up in Manhattan Beach and I have followed a similar path as his so far, for better and worse. For instance, I graduated from Valley Christian in Cerritos, 30 years after he did. But as he's in the computer business, there are a limited number of jobs that would financially set me in a "better life" than the exponentially-increasingly valuable IT field. (See what I did there? That's right. Adverb-adverb) So what am I to do?
"Honor your father and mother..." Exodus 20:12a NASB
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Ephesians 6:1 NASB
The advice one gives and receives for the direction of one's life (especially important in these years of college, debts, and careers) really hinges on what one considers the most important thing in life. After all, one's purpose is reflected in one's treasure. Yet I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they aren't telling me to store treasures on the earth, pursuing money.
I will glorify God and trust in Him to provide for me in my service to Him. He knows that I need food and clothing--yet His words will be my food and sustenance.
The advice one gives and receives for the direction of one's life (especially important in these years of college, debts, and careers) really hinges on what one considers the most important thing in life. After all, one's purpose is reflected in one's treasure. Yet I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they aren't telling me to store treasures on the earth, pursuing money.
I will glorify God and trust in Him to provide for me in my service to Him. He knows that I need food and clothing--yet His words will be my food and sustenance.
Fiat lux: Let there be light.
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
The earth was waste and emptiness,
and darkness covered the face of the deep,
and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters.
Then God said, "Let there be light;" and there was light.
Genesis 1:1-3
Irvine is fake. Let there be light. Irvine is dead. Every day, I walk by the unfaithful, reading their textbooks, cursing alone or together, ridiculing the righteous, and just hanging out in the fellowship of the classrooms and the fraternities. I do not hesitate in the haze of smoke that clouds the truth, the delicious smells of Ring Road that offer desirous carnal pleasures, the intentional repression of the truth with all sorts of drugs. I do not sit in the love seats that hold umbral promises, or remain in the presence of the evils of the speeches. I do not scoff the antics of less-than-gracious men who proclaim the righteousness of the Christ. I do not stand idly by the way of those who fight for injustice. I do not walk in the advice of the friends who reject the truth. If I would fall prey to these people, I will be like a plastic bag on the freeway, carried away by the winds of false doctrine. If I would fall into these things, I would be unable to stand innocently before the court or before the church. I would die.
God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.
Genesis 1:4
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overpower it.
...as many as received Him [the Word],
to them He gave the right to children of God,
even to those who believe in His name,
who were begotten,
not of bloods nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man,
but of God.
John 1:1,4,5,12
Irvine is real. Let there be light. Irvine is alive. Every day, I walk with the faithful, reading the Bible, praying alone or together, evangelizing, and just hanging out in fellowship and song. I stand in awe and praise of the truth that I sing forth daily when I overhear the prayers of the faithful. I stand in joyful song as I bless the LORD who made and redeemed me. I sit on the floor, listening to the counsel of wiser men, of leaders in the faith. I submit to the authority of perfected wisdom of those who speak the truth in love. I stand in the presence of those who labor for the truth. I walk in the way of the obedient. I take the first fruits of my day and night to study my Father's counsel, and I delight in His instruction. If I would do these things, the Husbandman will set my roots with living water, so that I would bear fruit for His time. If I would do these things, He would not let me wither, but He would make me prosper for His sake. He approves of right paths.
"This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought by God."
John 3:19-21
"If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, for the light is not in him."
John 11:9b-10
"I[Jesus] have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me will not remain in darkness."
John 12:46
"I[Jesus] am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life."
John 8:12b
But I cannot do these things alone. There, [walking in the counsel of the wicked, standing in the way of mockers, and sitting in the seat of scoffers] BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, go I. Because Jesus did do these things, I live, both in the Sabbath rest and in this time of labor in the kingdom.
"You are the light of the world.
A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden;
nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket,
but on the lampstand,
and it gives light to all who are in the house.
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 5:14-16
Philippians 2:14-16
"Ah, mercy."
We are slight souls, smoking flax and bent reeds. But not only does He not snuff us out, He sets us aflame with an unquenchable and undeniable and unending fire that does not consume us. He takes our sandals away, for the stones of the ground cry HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, and He pledges to adopt and love and redeem us with those dirty sandals that He refused to let wear out.
I burn my candle at both ends,
it will not last the night.
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends,
it gives a lovely light.
---Edna St. Vincent Millay
We are candles burning at both ends, but we are not consumed, for we are baptized and maintained by His Spirit. We will last precisely as long as He fuels us, and we dare not give an iota less than our brightest light, singing joyfully as our lamps are drained, for it is only by His Presence that we have light and oil to trim our lamps as we wait faithfully for the Light of the world to rouse the dawn once more, when the Son rises like the sun over the eastern skies, full of life, like a champion rejoicing to run His race and like a bridegroom beaming from His chamber.
*EDIT*
"Who is among you that fears the LORD,
that obeys the voice of His servant,
that walks in darkness and has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God."
Isaiah 50:10
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."
Psalm 119:105
The earth was waste and emptiness,
and darkness covered the face of the deep,
and the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters.
Then God said, "Let there be light;" and there was light.
Genesis 1:1-3
Irvine is fake. Let there be light. Irvine is dead. Every day, I walk by the unfaithful, reading their textbooks, cursing alone or together, ridiculing the righteous, and just hanging out in the fellowship of the classrooms and the fraternities. I do not hesitate in the haze of smoke that clouds the truth, the delicious smells of Ring Road that offer desirous carnal pleasures, the intentional repression of the truth with all sorts of drugs. I do not sit in the love seats that hold umbral promises, or remain in the presence of the evils of the speeches. I do not scoff the antics of less-than-gracious men who proclaim the righteousness of the Christ. I do not stand idly by the way of those who fight for injustice. I do not walk in the advice of the friends who reject the truth. If I would fall prey to these people, I will be like a plastic bag on the freeway, carried away by the winds of false doctrine. If I would fall into these things, I would be unable to stand innocently before the court or before the church. I would die.
God saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness.
Genesis 1:4
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men.
The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overpower it.
...as many as received Him [the Word],
to them He gave the right to children of God,
even to those who believe in His name,
who were begotten,
not of bloods nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man,
but of God.
John 1:1,4,5,12
Irvine is real. Let there be light. Irvine is alive. Every day, I walk with the faithful, reading the Bible, praying alone or together, evangelizing, and just hanging out in fellowship and song. I stand in awe and praise of the truth that I sing forth daily when I overhear the prayers of the faithful. I stand in joyful song as I bless the LORD who made and redeemed me. I sit on the floor, listening to the counsel of wiser men, of leaders in the faith. I submit to the authority of perfected wisdom of those who speak the truth in love. I stand in the presence of those who labor for the truth. I walk in the way of the obedient. I take the first fruits of my day and night to study my Father's counsel, and I delight in His instruction. If I would do these things, the Husbandman will set my roots with living water, so that I would bear fruit for His time. If I would do these things, He would not let me wither, but He would make me prosper for His sake. He approves of right paths.
"This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought by God."
John 3:19-21
"If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, for the light is not in him."
John 11:9b-10
"I[Jesus] have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me will not remain in darkness."
John 12:46
"I[Jesus] am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life."
John 8:12b
But I cannot do these things alone. There, [walking in the counsel of the wicked, standing in the way of mockers, and sitting in the seat of scoffers] BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, go I. Because Jesus did do these things, I live, both in the Sabbath rest and in this time of labor in the kingdom.
"You are the light of the world.
A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden;
nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket,
but on the lampstand,
and it gives light to all who are in the house.
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."
Matthew 5:14-16
Philippians 2:14-16
"Ah, mercy."
We are slight souls, smoking flax and bent reeds. But not only does He not snuff us out, He sets us aflame with an unquenchable and undeniable and unending fire that does not consume us. He takes our sandals away, for the stones of the ground cry HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, and He pledges to adopt and love and redeem us with those dirty sandals that He refused to let wear out.
I burn my candle at both ends,
it will not last the night.
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends,
it gives a lovely light.
---Edna St. Vincent Millay
We are candles burning at both ends, but we are not consumed, for we are baptized and maintained by His Spirit. We will last precisely as long as He fuels us, and we dare not give an iota less than our brightest light, singing joyfully as our lamps are drained, for it is only by His Presence that we have light and oil to trim our lamps as we wait faithfully for the Light of the world to rouse the dawn once more, when the Son rises like the sun over the eastern skies, full of life, like a champion rejoicing to run His race and like a bridegroom beaming from His chamber.
*EDIT*
"Who is among you that fears the LORD,
that obeys the voice of His servant,
that walks in darkness and has no light?
Let him trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God."
Isaiah 50:10
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."
Psalm 119:105
Monday, November 7, 2011
I can show you the world.
The title of this post comes from the popular song from "Aladdin," the Disney movie about a pauper whose character is deemed "a diamond in the rough" and with the help of his rather intelligent monkey Ahboo, a flying carpet, and a genie in a bottle displays his valor in defying the evil sorcerer who seeks to seize the kingdom by forcing the hand of Princess Jasmine. SPOILER! Yep. Haha... I figure "Aladdin" is a popular enough story that everyone has at least that much knowledge.
Well, it also happens to be my younger siblings' favorite song. Calvin used to sing it incessantly, and now Soo asks me to sing it whenever I push her high into the sky on her swing in Tehachapi. As a result of these two dear siblings, I've pretty much memorized this song, regardless of whether I wanted to or not :)
But!! Here's the kicker (and by kicker, I mean God's amazing providence!)-- I sang this song in Prague to Princess Pei-Pei in a skit as Jackie Chan. Needless to say, teaching a class of eight 10-12 year old girls and six boys of the same age suddenly became chaotic and warm... not necessarily in that order. So I'd been preparing not only to teach/handle/carry/chase five year olds by watching Soo, but I'd also been singing the same song for a month!
"Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me!"
Whenever Yun-Soo sings this song, my heart overflows with joy.
Well, it also happens to be my younger siblings' favorite song. Calvin used to sing it incessantly, and now Soo asks me to sing it whenever I push her high into the sky on her swing in Tehachapi. As a result of these two dear siblings, I've pretty much memorized this song, regardless of whether I wanted to or not :)
But!! Here's the kicker (and by kicker, I mean God's amazing providence!)-- I sang this song in Prague to Princess Pei-Pei in a skit as Jackie Chan. Needless to say, teaching a class of eight 10-12 year old girls and six boys of the same age suddenly became chaotic and warm... not necessarily in that order. So I'd been preparing not only to teach/handle/carry/chase five year olds by watching Soo, but I'd also been singing the same song for a month!
"Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus, because He first loved me!"
Whenever Yun-Soo sings this song, my heart overflows with joy.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Syncopation is the Reversal of Strength
"Music is logical. It's supposed to make sense."
Such bewildering concepts are pretty simple, I know. I'm just going to chalk it up to the Greek homework, the three midterms this week, and the mind-numbing morning coffee and rush hour commute. I don't mind any of these things, but with all the work I need to do for my house, they take their toll. I'm going to ask Calvin for a back massage when I get home.
With confidence I now draw nigh and "Abba, Father, Abba" cry.
The past two weeks of CCM were on the topics of "The Love of God" (Psalm 103) and "God the Father" (1 John 4, John 1) respectively, and both of them highlighted the amazing love God has for us. Pastor Aaron made the point that adoption may be the most precious of the works of Christ, even over justification or glorification or other amazing things God does for His children. In light of my situation, the idea of spiritual orphanhood is repulsive. How can anyone be satisfied with being fatherless, with no one to defend?
"A Father of the fatherless and a judge of widows, is God in His holy habitation" (Psalms 68:5 NASB).
"The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, but He thwarts the way of the wicked" (Psalm 146:9 NASB).
Anyways, syncopation.
My music theory professor gave us a rudimentary definition of syncopation as "making the weak strong and the strong weak" in terms of downbeats and upbeats.
I realize that a proper view of history would see it centered on the cross (as it is) and chronicling the church's permeation of the world in the year of her Lord, but it's interesting to consider the men God singles out to bring to repentance and to do incredible things for theology, literature, language, social reform, peace-making, and philosophy throughout the ages. Even beginning with the disciples Jesus called--they consisted of fishermen, tax collectors, zealots, women, Samaritans, and children--these were not considered strong, gifted, intelligent, or worthy of being called to follow the greatest rabbi. And men throughout history that changed and helped reform the church all had their shares of problems, which our secular friends love to point out, as if 1) Christians are free from sin, and 2) the messenger detracts from the message. Ah, well. We're all unqualified, anyways.
The March of the Unqualified
"Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men,
and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For consider your calling, brethren,
that there were not many wise according to the flesh,
not many mighty,
not many noble;
but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise,
and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,
and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen,
the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are,
so that no flesh can boast before God."
I Corinthians 1:25-29 (NASB)
God syncopates us.
No wonder syncopation has always been one of my favorite musical devices! And all the more glorious, this change of pace. On another note (aha.), Joel records the reverse prophetic word of God in Isaiah, the famous line our Presidents enjoy quoting about world peace, blah, blah, blah.
"And He will judge between the nations,
and He will render decisions for many peoples;
And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will not take up sword against nation, and never again will they learn war."
Isaiah 2:4
"Proclaim this among the nations:
Prepare for war!
Rouse the warriors!
Let all the fighting men draw near and attack.
Beat your plowshares into swords and pruning hooks into spears.
Let the weakling say,
'I am strong.'"
Joel 3:9-10
The church is called to be on the offensive, and to exalt Christ as Head and Lord over all aspects of creation. After all, what are "the gates of Hades" (Matthew16:18) if not defensive structures of war?
"He trains my hands for battle so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
and Your right hand upholds me;
and Your condescension makes me great."
Psalm 18:34-35
While I'm finding verses, here's one of my favorites of the Apostle Paul,
"And He has said to me,
'My grace is sufficient for you,
for [My] power
is perfected in weakness.'
Most gladly,
therefore, I will boast in my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore, I am well content
with weaknesses,
with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake;
for when I am weak, then I am strong."
II Corinthians 12:9-10
Here's a link to Ezekiel 34 (NASB) , if you don't happen to have a Bible nearby. The illustration God uses of a shepherd is so amazingly tailored to how our relationship works. We're honestly stupid, stupid people. Even as a "goat-turned-sheep," I still think that I know the way, even when the Way says, "Follow me." And too often I get myself stuck in the miry clay of my wanderings, or I get stuck in thorn bushes that require my Shepherd to wear those thorns Himself to free me. Or I'd be swept away by the breakers of the violent waters that my Shepherd calms and walks on.
I can only continue to gush with love for so long before I fall asleep--but even then my Savior does not slumber in His careful watch. Oh, how I watch for Him more than a watchman waits for the morning! My Savior is the Gate which keeps me safe at night, both from intruders and from my own perilous propensity to wander from His fold. Why do I wander from all I know to be true and good?
Anyways, Ezekiel 34 is an indictment against the unfaithful leaders of God's people, and it culminates with God promising to step in and lead His people Himself, since the "shepherds" were revealing themselves to be selfish hired hands that do not care for the sheep. The LORD is my shepherd, I'll not want...
It's my prayer that God would use us, unqualified wretches as we are, to preach the foolishness of the gospel to bring sheep under the care of a greater Shepherd.
Such bewildering concepts are pretty simple, I know. I'm just going to chalk it up to the Greek homework, the three midterms this week, and the mind-numbing morning coffee and rush hour commute. I don't mind any of these things, but with all the work I need to do for my house, they take their toll. I'm going to ask Calvin for a back massage when I get home.
With confidence I now draw nigh and "Abba, Father, Abba" cry.
The past two weeks of CCM were on the topics of "The Love of God" (Psalm 103) and "God the Father" (1 John 4, John 1) respectively, and both of them highlighted the amazing love God has for us. Pastor Aaron made the point that adoption may be the most precious of the works of Christ, even over justification or glorification or other amazing things God does for His children. In light of my situation, the idea of spiritual orphanhood is repulsive. How can anyone be satisfied with being fatherless, with no one to defend?
"A Father of the fatherless and a judge of widows, is God in His holy habitation" (Psalms 68:5 NASB).
"The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the widow, but He thwarts the way of the wicked" (Psalm 146:9 NASB).
Anyways, syncopation.
My music theory professor gave us a rudimentary definition of syncopation as "making the weak strong and the strong weak" in terms of downbeats and upbeats.
I realize that a proper view of history would see it centered on the cross (as it is) and chronicling the church's permeation of the world in the year of her Lord, but it's interesting to consider the men God singles out to bring to repentance and to do incredible things for theology, literature, language, social reform, peace-making, and philosophy throughout the ages. Even beginning with the disciples Jesus called--they consisted of fishermen, tax collectors, zealots, women, Samaritans, and children--these were not considered strong, gifted, intelligent, or worthy of being called to follow the greatest rabbi. And men throughout history that changed and helped reform the church all had their shares of problems, which our secular friends love to point out, as if 1) Christians are free from sin, and 2) the messenger detracts from the message. Ah, well. We're all unqualified, anyways.
The March of the Unqualified
"Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men,
and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For consider your calling, brethren,
that there were not many wise according to the flesh,
not many mighty,
not many noble;
but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise,
and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,
and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen,
the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are,
so that no flesh can boast before God."
I Corinthians 1:25-29 (NASB)
God syncopates us.
No wonder syncopation has always been one of my favorite musical devices! And all the more glorious, this change of pace. On another note (aha.), Joel records the reverse prophetic word of God in Isaiah, the famous line our Presidents enjoy quoting about world peace, blah, blah, blah.
"And He will judge between the nations,
and He will render decisions for many peoples;
And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks.
Nation will not take up sword against nation, and never again will they learn war."
Isaiah 2:4
"Proclaim this among the nations:
Prepare for war!
Rouse the warriors!
Let all the fighting men draw near and attack.
Beat your plowshares into swords and pruning hooks into spears.
Let the weakling say,
'I am strong.'"
Joel 3:9-10
The church is called to be on the offensive, and to exalt Christ as Head and Lord over all aspects of creation. After all, what are "the gates of Hades" (Matthew16:18) if not defensive structures of war?
"He trains my hands for battle so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
and Your right hand upholds me;
and Your condescension makes me great."
Psalm 18:34-35
While I'm finding verses, here's one of my favorites of the Apostle Paul,
"And He has said to me,
'My grace is sufficient for you,
for [My] power
is perfected in weakness.'
Most gladly,
therefore, I will boast in my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Therefore, I am well content
with weaknesses,
with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake;
for when I am weak, then I am strong."
II Corinthians 12:9-10
Here's a link to Ezekiel 34 (NASB) , if you don't happen to have a Bible nearby. The illustration God uses of a shepherd is so amazingly tailored to how our relationship works. We're honestly stupid, stupid people. Even as a "goat-turned-sheep," I still think that I know the way, even when the Way says, "Follow me." And too often I get myself stuck in the miry clay of my wanderings, or I get stuck in thorn bushes that require my Shepherd to wear those thorns Himself to free me. Or I'd be swept away by the breakers of the violent waters that my Shepherd calms and walks on.
I can only continue to gush with love for so long before I fall asleep--but even then my Savior does not slumber in His careful watch. Oh, how I watch for Him more than a watchman waits for the morning! My Savior is the Gate which keeps me safe at night, both from intruders and from my own perilous propensity to wander from His fold. Why do I wander from all I know to be true and good?
Anyways, Ezekiel 34 is an indictment against the unfaithful leaders of God's people, and it culminates with God promising to step in and lead His people Himself, since the "shepherds" were revealing themselves to be selfish hired hands that do not care for the sheep. The LORD is my shepherd, I'll not want...
It's my prayer that God would use us, unqualified wretches as we are, to preach the foolishness of the gospel to bring sheep under the care of a greater Shepherd.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The final blood donor bled himself dry for me.
You know, donating blood is really powerful as an object lesson. It's a great conversation starter, what with a neon band of gauze hanging around your arm. And most importantly, it's a way of demonstrating Christ's love for us.
I realize the illustration falls short, but think about Jesus's sacrifice this way:
Christ's blood wouldn't satisfy our dreadful need for cleansing, purification, and restoration if it was tainted in any way, just like how my own blood would be rejected if I was sick. Jesus had to be pure for His blood to work. So also do blood donors' blood cells need to be free from the effects of sin: disease, unlawful sexual relations, abusive substances. Not only that! Blood donors must also meet simple requirements of being physically fit, weighing enough for their body size and having a fit enough heart (blood pressure) to afford to spare a pint of their life. But wait! There's more! Blood donors must also have a sufficient level of iron in their blood, which means even the meals that donor eats the previous week (if not everyday) would have to be carefully and thoughtfully predetermined. So also Christ had to live a life of holiness, preparing himself for His appointment with the needles that pricked His arms and side.
But the blood not only cleanses us--His blood had to be pure to satisfy the demands for God's wrath to be satisfied, propitiated, appeased. No filthy blood would do. Just think back to the Israelites and all the sacrifices in the Temple for the cleansing of sins! We are not made right before God by the blood of goats or bulls, but by our Passover Lamb, the Firstborn without spot, whose blood is pure.
I Peter 1:19-20,22 (NIV)
"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as gold or silver that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect... Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from a pure heart."
I realize the illustration falls short, but think about Jesus's sacrifice this way:
Christ's blood wouldn't satisfy our dreadful need for cleansing, purification, and restoration if it was tainted in any way, just like how my own blood would be rejected if I was sick. Jesus had to be pure for His blood to work. So also do blood donors' blood cells need to be free from the effects of sin: disease, unlawful sexual relations, abusive substances. Not only that! Blood donors must also meet simple requirements of being physically fit, weighing enough for their body size and having a fit enough heart (blood pressure) to afford to spare a pint of their life. But wait! There's more! Blood donors must also have a sufficient level of iron in their blood, which means even the meals that donor eats the previous week (if not everyday) would have to be carefully and thoughtfully predetermined. So also Christ had to live a life of holiness, preparing himself for His appointment with the needles that pricked His arms and side.
But the blood not only cleanses us--His blood had to be pure to satisfy the demands for God's wrath to be satisfied, propitiated, appeased. No filthy blood would do. Just think back to the Israelites and all the sacrifices in the Temple for the cleansing of sins! We are not made right before God by the blood of goats or bulls, but by our Passover Lamb, the Firstborn without spot, whose blood is pure.
I Peter 1:19-20,22 (NIV)
"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as gold or silver that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect... Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from a pure heart."
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
August 1st: A new life
Team Praha 2011.Krkonose hike.testimony ---------8/1/11
The Czech countryside is beautiful, you guys have been great to hang with and talk with this week, and the hiking was excellent. But none of these things are why I and the rest of the Americans (and the Brit!) are here this week. Each of us worked for and spent tens of thousands of crowns to come here--to spread life-changing good news. We are here in the Czech Republic because we love you guys, and to lead you all to the only path to heaven (for Jesus is the Way), to speak the truth in love (for Jesus is the Truth), and to show you new lives, transformed by Jesus, who is Life.
So I'd like to share a little bit about myself, and how Jesus saved me.
As is the case, purely statistically, for many of you, I grew up with only one parent--a broken home. Because of this, even now I find it difficult to love and honor my father: a man I scarcely know. I always knew something was wrong, though, and I'm sure all of you can relate--it is almost built into our minds to know when something is wrong in a relationship. Someone was missing. Little did I know that I needed God, our heavenly Father, more than I needed a physical father. I'd like to read (printed below) a few Bible verses that brought me to this conclusion of my need for a Savior.
Isaiah 53:3-8
"He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
From arrest and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation considered
that he was cut off from the land of the living
for the transgression of my people,
for whom the blow was due?"
Psalm 51 (NIV1984)
I John 1:8-9
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
John 3:16-18
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but he who does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son."
Psalm 103:8-13
"The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will He harbor His anger forever;
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His love for those who fear Him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on His children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
All these passages from the Bible might not mean much, but they're all pretty important. The Bible reveals to us how desperately sinful we are, and how relentlessly loving God is. I have one more verse that's come to be the theme of my life, and addresses what we heard last night from Pastor Mueller on Jesus giving us new lives.
Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
So God can use even my lack of a father to show me how sweet it is to call Him "Dad." I'm just going to leave you with a simple question (and it's an American idiom, so you can impress your friends!)--
"Who's your daddy?"
The Czech countryside is beautiful, you guys have been great to hang with and talk with this week, and the hiking was excellent. But none of these things are why I and the rest of the Americans (and the Brit!) are here this week. Each of us worked for and spent tens of thousands of crowns to come here--to spread life-changing good news. We are here in the Czech Republic because we love you guys, and to lead you all to the only path to heaven (for Jesus is the Way), to speak the truth in love (for Jesus is the Truth), and to show you new lives, transformed by Jesus, who is Life.
So I'd like to share a little bit about myself, and how Jesus saved me.
As is the case, purely statistically, for many of you, I grew up with only one parent--a broken home. Because of this, even now I find it difficult to love and honor my father: a man I scarcely know. I always knew something was wrong, though, and I'm sure all of you can relate--it is almost built into our minds to know when something is wrong in a relationship. Someone was missing. Little did I know that I needed God, our heavenly Father, more than I needed a physical father. I'd like to read (printed below) a few Bible verses that brought me to this conclusion of my need for a Savior.
Isaiah 53:3-8
"He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
From arrest and judgment he was taken away.
Yet who of his generation considered
that he was cut off from the land of the living
for the transgression of my people,
for whom the blow was due?"
Psalm 51 (NIV1984)
I John 1:8-9
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
John 3:16-18
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but he who does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son."
Psalm 103:8-13
"The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will He harbor His anger forever;
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is His love for those who fear Him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on His children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
All these passages from the Bible might not mean much, but they're all pretty important. The Bible reveals to us how desperately sinful we are, and how relentlessly loving God is. I have one more verse that's come to be the theme of my life, and addresses what we heard last night from Pastor Mueller on Jesus giving us new lives.
Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."
So God can use even my lack of a father to show me how sweet it is to call Him "Dad." I'm just going to leave you with a simple question (and it's an American idiom, so you can impress your friends!)--
"Who's your daddy?"
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