Pulse

Kings and warriors,
Lovers and thieves--
all the rush that leaves
their hearts aflutter,
racing with time, but
time doesn't stop…right?

A beat, a pulse,
a timeless rhythm.
A metronome, given
no chance to quiet
the restless part--
Tick-tock, heart.

The past holds regrets,
yet the heart never frets
over that, for the present
promises from those who went
before…but the future, yes
the future--you'll never guess
the great riches you'll store!
All your heart's desires and more.
It's all worth it, in the end,
to worry, to steal, to never spend
time considering (as one ought!)
that the damage, the charges brought
from the Searcher of the heart,
were self-imposed, from the start.

The pulse will stop,
the beating will end,
the rush will seem
like a foul dream
when it too is past.
The Judge, at long last
called that heart to give
account for how it lived.

Tick-tock, the heart--
it's time to depart.

Had you loved good,
you never would
have been on this track;
Love you still lack.
You didn’t trust the One
who could save you from
your wicked, wicked soul
and your ever-deadly pulse.

Jet-lagged thoughts.

 My grandmother said "psyche" tonight in one of our deep conversations instead of "heart." This made me really happy that she used the word properly, because words are powerful and have specific meanings that shouldn't be tampered or used in error, but it also made me sad because of the opposite--that modern Psychology is so incredibly flawed because it is based on ideas and philosophies that do not support the soul. You cannot heal someone's heart while denying that they have one. You can't point out sins without acknowledging and showing people that their souls are lost, broken, hopeless, and stupidly steeped in sin.

I miss the Czech Republic. But what are we sent out for, if not to better recognize how much more we must be sent in? We are taught to be leaders for a few weeks because we are recognized and expected to lead in our families and churches.

Also, I no longer have a phone. This isn't a big deal, but it does change things. I just can't get lost, simple as that. But how prone to wander my brother and I are, even from infancy! Keep us in right paths, and let Your rod and staff comfort us, Father.

I think I'll type up my journal entries 2 months delayed. Which means September will begin not only with school, but also with a reminder (starting from the 5th) of the urgency and joys of the gospel of my Father's love.

Speaking (or is it thinking?) of school, I've been really stressed out, Father. I would like to take that path of least resistance-- that of heading out to Master's to learn how to be a better counselor and to prepare to shepherd Your peoples in grace and love and patience and wisdom. But things hold me back, Lord--the very people who need my love I would leave behind! How can I condemn them by withdrawing my presence to learn to love better? Now, of course I would learn other things, but the essentials are here, close to my heart. Please give the elders wisdom in their counsel, and please make me a faithful and powerful preacher of Your Word, God. Give me a memory to recall my love, just like You do. Let their names be engraved into my palms, Father. And help me to sleep, for You alone let me lie down and sleep in safety, Father.

You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. 32:7 NASB