November 2002 - A new heart --------------------7/30/11
i will soon be celebrating what i believe is my ninth year of sweet belief--this amazing grace through the faith You have given to me. You have placed me in a church that loves You dearly. You gave me a family that at least brought me to Your house diligently. but more so, You showed Your love in a very unusual way. i still consider, to this day, that my parents' failure to love properly drove me to Your perfect love. You are the true Father--
You gave me faith when i doubt, You give me grace and mercy by cancelling all my debt, You forgive my sins. You love me though i hated You.
You are my new Father: You lead me like a shepherd in the Way, You carve my name into Your hands to never forget, You give me the Word by which to mold and sustain my life by the Truth, You rescue me from temptation, and You died to make me live again in the Life.
Psalm 103:8-18
II Corinthians 4:6-7
II Corinthians 5:17
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
August 31st: Yes, we need to be reminded.
8/31/11
though Your waves and breakers crashed over me, i have no cause to fear. Your love is strong, Father, and You calm seas and walk on water as if it were dry land. what?! You've done this before, and this time You carried my sins away in Your burial and baptism, You tied a millstone to them and sunk them to a pit of which their is no recall of remorse--You have forgiven me. You washed my indelible stain by taking it on Yourself and sprinkled the only blood that would do, Teacher, You love me like none other, and You reveal Yourself through Law and fire and bushes and marriage and prophets and letters and songs and parables and love. Pure and simple--You are love. i love You because You loved me, a wretch that hated You with my dying breath.
though Your waves and breakers crashed over me, i have no cause to fear. Your love is strong, Father, and You calm seas and walk on water as if it were dry land. what?! You've done this before, and this time You carried my sins away in Your burial and baptism, You tied a millstone to them and sunk them to a pit of which their is no recall of remorse--You have forgiven me. You washed my indelible stain by taking it on Yourself and sprinkled the only blood that would do, Teacher, You love me like none other, and You reveal Yourself through Law and fire and bushes and marriage and prophets and letters and songs and parables and love. Pure and simple--You are love. i love You because You loved me, a wretch that hated You with my dying breath.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The road to Oxnardia is paved with heart-shaped stones...+ "Look! A castle!"
It's true! I kept finding the heart-shaped stones Mr. and Mrs. Mueller collect. I eventually settled for a pretty green one, since Green's my favorite color.
8/22/11
thank You for giving us a safe and uneventful journey up north. You kept me safe and gave us gifts on the beach.
8/23/11
thank You for showing us how a wealthy man may use his wealth to create great architectural wonders to humbly entertain guests of honor. let us never forget that You prepare our tables before Your foes in peace, You make us content with "green pastures," You make our cups overflow because Your cup was drank, that we are welcomed into Your house forever, and that one day in Your house is better than a thousand elsewhere.
8/24/11
thank You, Father, for the time to spend time with one of my favorite sisters--one of Your daughters. thank You for bringing us safe thus far, thank You for the awesome find in the pilsner-urquell at trader joe's, and thank You for the opportunity to study and teach Your love shown in the book of hosea. thank You for loving unlovable me. help me to do likewise.
8/22/11
thank You for giving us a safe and uneventful journey up north. You kept me safe and gave us gifts on the beach.
8/23/11
thank You for showing us how a wealthy man may use his wealth to create great architectural wonders to humbly entertain guests of honor. let us never forget that You prepare our tables before Your foes in peace, You make us content with "green pastures," You make our cups overflow because Your cup was drank, that we are welcomed into Your house forever, and that one day in Your house is better than a thousand elsewhere.
8/24/11
thank You, Father, for the time to spend time with one of my favorite sisters--one of Your daughters. thank You for bringing us safe thus far, thank You for the awesome find in the pilsner-urquell at trader joe's, and thank You for the opportunity to study and teach Your love shown in the book of hosea. thank You for loving unlovable me. help me to do likewise.
Clarity - Tension - Resolution
Music is amazing. Math is amazing. Language is amazing. And these are just three ways God shouts at us, breathing sweet melodies of logic, law, and linguistic truth, communicating His unchangeable beauty, power, and wisdom.
"Do-re-mi-Re-mi-fa-Mi-fa-sol-Sol-la-ti-La-ti-do-Ti-do-re-Do!"
If God's love is a song, written in pages of paper, they would be priceless. More excellent than gold, sweeter than honey; more powerful than fire to consume all false songs. For what are the other songs, if poor facsimiles of the truest love song? What other dances compare to the purity of adoration and joy before the Father of joy? What other words compare to the words of pardon, that the Word (who created heavens and earth) would separate my sins from me to mathematically impossible ends, that I could see how far His love goes: in a word--forever.
If God's love is an equation, it would be unsolvable, yet understandable, like pi (π). Pi is the Greek letter for P (simple enough), but I call it Perfection, Persistence, Pardon. Pi is equal to 22/7. Simple, right? Yet it goes on and on, since the number 7 is a prime number, and that extra 1/7 just throws things off. And the number 7 was used very symbolically in both testaments of the Bible to represent the completed (or is it?) work of creation by God, and how He rested on the 7th day.
If God's love is a language, it would be Czech, because it would take us an eternity to learn! Aha. Aha. Aha. But really-- God speaks to His people in the languages (and culture) He created and diversified over history. In fact, God uses prophets who sometimes have quite the sarcastic, witty, or poetic tongues needed to deliver the love letters God wrote for His people. Can you believe that? An infallible God uses fallible men and women to accomplish His plans for His glorious history of His love for mankind.
He stoops not only to whisper "I love you. I held your hands as you learned to walk out of the house of bondage. I provided for you in the deserts of your hearts, and I led you like a shepherd beside the streams of living water that I gave from Myself. I made you satisfied with the green pastures of my daily provision, and I did not give you reasons to hunger or to be conceited to abandon me. You were special from all the nations only because I dwelt among you."
And His people rebelled against the source of their freedom, longing instead for the chains of promiscuous slavery. So He destroyed and released them of their covenant.
Yet He ransomed them--for His love is greater than our loss. He tabernacled among us again, and brought His love to us. And His people spit in His face and exiled Him and killed Him for being an insurrectionist. The Prince of Peace was greater than Pax Romana, the King of kings is greater than Caesars He appointed, the Son of God was the truest peacemaker, having reconciled justice with mercy by taking our sins on Himself, who knew no sin, that He might present for Himself a blameless and spotless bride.
And she will be beautiful.
I learned the word for "destroy, release, ransom" today in Greek. I don't know how to type in Greek, but it's approximately transliterated: Luo
--> EDIT: λυω Thanks, Vicki.
"Yet the LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me and [be] my prayer unto the God of my life." Psalm 42:8
How do these words relate? I know they have different etymologies, but... give it a shot. Try making a sentence with them all:
Salvation
Salve
Save
Savage
Do (1), Re (2), Mi (3), Fa (4), Sol (5), La (6), Ti (7), Do(1/8): Days of Creation? Now, there's a thought...
"Do-re-mi-Re-mi-fa-Mi-fa-sol-Sol-la-ti-La-ti-do-Ti-do-re-Do!"
If God's love is a song, written in pages of paper, they would be priceless. More excellent than gold, sweeter than honey; more powerful than fire to consume all false songs. For what are the other songs, if poor facsimiles of the truest love song? What other dances compare to the purity of adoration and joy before the Father of joy? What other words compare to the words of pardon, that the Word (who created heavens and earth) would separate my sins from me to mathematically impossible ends, that I could see how far His love goes: in a word--forever.
If God's love is an equation, it would be unsolvable, yet understandable, like pi (π). Pi is the Greek letter for P (simple enough), but I call it Perfection, Persistence, Pardon. Pi is equal to 22/7. Simple, right? Yet it goes on and on, since the number 7 is a prime number, and that extra 1/7 just throws things off. And the number 7 was used very symbolically in both testaments of the Bible to represent the completed (or is it?) work of creation by God, and how He rested on the 7th day.
If God's love is a language, it would be Czech, because it would take us an eternity to learn! Aha. Aha. Aha. But really-- God speaks to His people in the languages (and culture) He created and diversified over history. In fact, God uses prophets who sometimes have quite the sarcastic, witty, or poetic tongues needed to deliver the love letters God wrote for His people. Can you believe that? An infallible God uses fallible men and women to accomplish His plans for His glorious history of His love for mankind.
He stoops not only to whisper "I love you. I held your hands as you learned to walk out of the house of bondage. I provided for you in the deserts of your hearts, and I led you like a shepherd beside the streams of living water that I gave from Myself. I made you satisfied with the green pastures of my daily provision, and I did not give you reasons to hunger or to be conceited to abandon me. You were special from all the nations only because I dwelt among you."
And His people rebelled against the source of their freedom, longing instead for the chains of promiscuous slavery. So He destroyed and released them of their covenant.
Yet He ransomed them--for His love is greater than our loss. He tabernacled among us again, and brought His love to us. And His people spit in His face and exiled Him and killed Him for being an insurrectionist. The Prince of Peace was greater than Pax Romana, the King of kings is greater than Caesars He appointed, the Son of God was the truest peacemaker, having reconciled justice with mercy by taking our sins on Himself, who knew no sin, that He might present for Himself a blameless and spotless bride.
And she will be beautiful.
I learned the word for "destroy, release, ransom" today in Greek. I don't know how to type in Greek, but it's approximately transliterated: Luo
--> EDIT: λυω Thanks, Vicki.
"Yet the LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me and [be] my prayer unto the God of my life." Psalm 42:8
How do these words relate? I know they have different etymologies, but... give it a shot. Try making a sentence with them all:
Salvation
Salve
Save
Savage
Do (1), Re (2), Mi (3), Fa (4), Sol (5), La (6), Ti (7), Do(1/8): Days of Creation? Now, there's a thought...
Thursday, October 20, 2011
For the Moments When I Feel Faint
Yesterday stretched me thin, only to be punctured with a--
(This was October 5th. I didn't get a chance to finish it any time since then, because the internet's out at my house, and it's so hard to fit time to commit thoughts from mind to paper to the open journal of the internet. And this time I didn't write on paper, so I ain't guaranteeing this will be pretty. But neither was that night, so...)
--terse buzz of a phone call as I shifted the car into reverse. Grumbling, I rifled through my backpack and found out my phone. I normally obey the law, but it was getting late at night, and I took the call while driving slowly out of the parking lot, wary of Irvine's vigilant police. It seems strange to me (unnatural, even), whenever I'm the one looking out for the cops. It isn't a good thing to be breaking the letter of the law, especially when you know you won't get caught.
"Hello?"
"Joseph? Come home now. We need to talk."
"All....right." For some reason, I had this unshakable feeling of foreboding punishment. But what had I done wrong? I drove home in silence, the songs stolen from my tongue.
(...Did I not rise early, Father, to praise Your name with song and prayer? Did I not meditate on Your words day and night?...)
The miles stretched thin, and my heart broke on the doorstep when I saw that frown. I was caught red-handed, smeared with the blood of the lambs I tended.
(...I'm not guilty! I did what is right! My sleep, my health, my mind, my body, my time--are they not worth more than any of these?...)
"You've passed the line. If this becomes typical, I don't want you to continue going there. I worry about you..."
Yet I knew there was nothing I could do to make things right that night. So I prayed for sleep, that I would be able to try again to honor my Father and mother.
Never underestimate my Jesus. When the world around you crumbles, He will be strong.
(This was October 5th. I didn't get a chance to finish it any time since then, because the internet's out at my house, and it's so hard to fit time to commit thoughts from mind to paper to the open journal of the internet. And this time I didn't write on paper, so I ain't guaranteeing this will be pretty. But neither was that night, so...)
--terse buzz of a phone call as I shifted the car into reverse. Grumbling, I rifled through my backpack and found out my phone. I normally obey the law, but it was getting late at night, and I took the call while driving slowly out of the parking lot, wary of Irvine's vigilant police. It seems strange to me (unnatural, even), whenever I'm the one looking out for the cops. It isn't a good thing to be breaking the letter of the law, especially when you know you won't get caught.
"Hello?"
"Joseph? Come home now. We need to talk."
"All....right." For some reason, I had this unshakable feeling of foreboding punishment. But what had I done wrong? I drove home in silence, the songs stolen from my tongue.
(...Did I not rise early, Father, to praise Your name with song and prayer? Did I not meditate on Your words day and night?...)
The miles stretched thin, and my heart broke on the doorstep when I saw that frown. I was caught red-handed, smeared with the blood of the lambs I tended.
(...I'm not guilty! I did what is right! My sleep, my health, my mind, my body, my time--are they not worth more than any of these?...)
"You've passed the line. If this becomes typical, I don't want you to continue going there. I worry about you..."
Yet I knew there was nothing I could do to make things right that night. So I prayed for sleep, that I would be able to try again to honor my Father and mother.
Never underestimate my Jesus. When the world around you crumbles, He will be strong.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The week after.
8/16/11
Lord, You work in marvelous ways. You used even my cries in infancy to test my parents. i can only beg that You would make me faithful, for my parents have given a poor testimony of faith.
8/20/11
Lord, You use the weak to shame the strong. make me humble so i will not forget the grandness of Your love that saves me. thank You for my family, that You may prepare me to be a leader elsewhere. change them, Lord!
8/21/11
thank You, Lord, for the college and career group at branch of hope. thank You for the car You provided me through my selfless mother, and thank You for the time to share and fellowship and pray to You.
Lord, You work in marvelous ways. You used even my cries in infancy to test my parents. i can only beg that You would make me faithful, for my parents have given a poor testimony of faith.
8/20/11
Lord, You use the weak to shame the strong. make me humble so i will not forget the grandness of Your love that saves me. thank You for my family, that You may prepare me to be a leader elsewhere. change them, Lord!
8/21/11
thank You, Lord, for the college and career group at branch of hope. thank You for the car You provided me through my selfless mother, and thank You for the time to share and fellowship and pray to You.
"Aren't there lots of Koreans over there?"
"...life revolves around High School. I mean, people start acting like High Schoolers again when they graduate college..."
dear Lord. What has become of this world? to think that rebellion and unruly behavior are the means of sin...
"...but God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Father, Your glory and order are shown in music and the logic and theory behind it. thank You for the opportunity to learn the mathematics behind the songs we sing.
"...they don't give a damn."
Father, please subdue every thought that exalts itself in my mind, for my heart is a factory that produces idols daily. help me to cut down those high places, and humble me so i can serve You with my whole heart.
"...perhaps music is a cultural thing. Maybe if we were born on the moon, we wouldn't expect these things, musically..."
Father, i'm going to die. but that's ok--You can rescue me from myself.
Father, cherish me so my hands will be warm to go and do Your will.
dear Lord. What has become of this world? to think that rebellion and unruly behavior are the means of sin...
"...but God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Father, Your glory and order are shown in music and the logic and theory behind it. thank You for the opportunity to learn the mathematics behind the songs we sing.
"...they don't give a damn."
Father, please subdue every thought that exalts itself in my mind, for my heart is a factory that produces idols daily. help me to cut down those high places, and humble me so i can serve You with my whole heart.
"...perhaps music is a cultural thing. Maybe if we were born on the moon, we wouldn't expect these things, musically..."
Father, i'm going to die. but that's ok--You can rescue me from myself.
Father, cherish me so my hands will be warm to go and do Your will.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
August 15th: A Mirror is Harder to Hold
8/15/11
we are heading back to our home fields, Father. You alone have brought us safe and strong thus far. hold the cross before my closing eyes and help me to be a faithful steward in my home as You prepare me to lead Your sheep.
give us faithfulness in the gardens You have placed us in, Father. without Your hand guiding us, our efforts are in vain, and we build and watch for no cause. give us good memories and stirring words to inspire other youths of the great need the czech republic has for a new generation to show and tell of Your saving grace. Father, please break and reform the hearts of the czechs we met and love, because You alone can save. help us to work in the lives of our friends back home as well, and bring the "mountaintop" with us, along with our sense of urgency. Lord, help erin and vicki to minister to nick, bring life through Jesus to ciaran's friend matt, and aid will and me in our efforts at reforming our families to the authority of Your word. You are the Word, You are the passover lamb from the flocks of bethlehem, You are the Bread of Life; our true substance, You are the Way, the Truth, and Life, You are the Resurrection, You are the Father, Son, and Spirit, and You are my Shepherd. thank You for the amazing time You provided both in english camp and in team praha, and i pray You would give me the opportunity once more. Your will be done.
oh, Father, Your heavens are glorious tonight. though we have not begun to grasp how amazing Your love is, we can see a glimpse of Your awe and wonder. Your sunsets are beautiful, and this evening will last several hours. test my spirit with such beauty, Father, and i will sing forth Your praise. (what else could i do?)
this has been quite the ending to this six-week trip. keep me pure, and lead me in paths of righteousness for Your name's sake.
we are heading back to our home fields, Father. You alone have brought us safe and strong thus far. hold the cross before my closing eyes and help me to be a faithful steward in my home as You prepare me to lead Your sheep.
give us faithfulness in the gardens You have placed us in, Father. without Your hand guiding us, our efforts are in vain, and we build and watch for no cause. give us good memories and stirring words to inspire other youths of the great need the czech republic has for a new generation to show and tell of Your saving grace. Father, please break and reform the hearts of the czechs we met and love, because You alone can save. help us to work in the lives of our friends back home as well, and bring the "mountaintop" with us, along with our sense of urgency. Lord, help erin and vicki to minister to nick, bring life through Jesus to ciaran's friend matt, and aid will and me in our efforts at reforming our families to the authority of Your word. You are the Word, You are the passover lamb from the flocks of bethlehem, You are the Bread of Life; our true substance, You are the Way, the Truth, and Life, You are the Resurrection, You are the Father, Son, and Spirit, and You are my Shepherd. thank You for the amazing time You provided both in english camp and in team praha, and i pray You would give me the opportunity once more. Your will be done.
oh, Father, Your heavens are glorious tonight. though we have not begun to grasp how amazing Your love is, we can see a glimpse of Your awe and wonder. Your sunsets are beautiful, and this evening will last several hours. test my spirit with such beauty, Father, and i will sing forth Your praise. (what else could i do?)
this has been quite the ending to this six-week trip. keep me pure, and lead me in paths of righteousness for Your name's sake.
The last week in Prague: He leads them like a shepherd...
8/8/11
Father, You are blessed for Your infinite love which we proclaim this week, which drives us to be willing and inspired to tell of it, which called us to the cross in the first place, depraved and deprived of Your love. You made me weak so i would depend on You alone for everything. make us strong, at least for a moment, that we ould be able to do a double portion of love these few moments. i pray for bohuslav, who calls himself "bob," that he would see and believe the hidden truths of the gospel. i pray for mary that she would be patient, long-suffering, quick to listen, slow to anger and speak. thank You for the pacovskys--their diligent efforts do further Your kingdom.
8/10/11
thank You for yesterday and the opportunities to show the czechs that we are real people--that we have real hobbies, that we can be competitive while showing Your love on the field in sportsmanship, that we love salty potato chips and scrumptious baked goods. please work mightily in vlasy, adela, petr, jarda, vaclav, marek, bibi, tomas (both of them), honza kropac (even though he is away), kacka, the girls i did not meet last night, and all the others from english camp and team praha.
please forgive my tired spirit, Lord. it is not becoming of a son of God to be impatient, quick-tempered, or rude, but please make me stern about the authority entrusted me, always peaceful and loving. forgive me for not forgiving with my heart, and let me not carry a record of wrongs. let me never forget all that debt You forgave me: sacrificial payment. give me patience with tom, kacka, honza, aneta, mari, bara, sarka, deniska, and havalind. let the trials of the mission field not take their toll on me yet, and let me not grow negligent or frustrated.
Father, please comfort vicki and erin, laura and mary, julie, katka, and the farniks, and make the guys more crushed in spirit--it is right to be heart-broken over the lost.
8/12/11
forgive me, Lord, for not writing these prayers daily as i promised. please help will and i to be faithful ministers and servants for our families back home. please also give me wisdom and wise advice from the authorities You have given me, and help me to speak Your Word.
8/13/11
bless our work, Father, that Your kingdom would advance here in the czech republic. thank You for the opportunity to sow these seeds of Your love, to show the children and youths how great Your love is in transforming lives to worship You. thank You for blessing the farniks through us. please, please, please give petr, jarda, and tomas new hearts. they cannot love You without You loving them first, and i love them, Father!
Father, You are blessed for Your infinite love which we proclaim this week, which drives us to be willing and inspired to tell of it, which called us to the cross in the first place, depraved and deprived of Your love. You made me weak so i would depend on You alone for everything. make us strong, at least for a moment, that we ould be able to do a double portion of love these few moments. i pray for bohuslav, who calls himself "bob," that he would see and believe the hidden truths of the gospel. i pray for mary that she would be patient, long-suffering, quick to listen, slow to anger and speak. thank You for the pacovskys--their diligent efforts do further Your kingdom.
8/10/11
thank You for yesterday and the opportunities to show the czechs that we are real people--that we have real hobbies, that we can be competitive while showing Your love on the field in sportsmanship, that we love salty potato chips and scrumptious baked goods. please work mightily in vlasy, adela, petr, jarda, vaclav, marek, bibi, tomas (both of them), honza kropac (even though he is away), kacka, the girls i did not meet last night, and all the others from english camp and team praha.
please forgive my tired spirit, Lord. it is not becoming of a son of God to be impatient, quick-tempered, or rude, but please make me stern about the authority entrusted me, always peaceful and loving. forgive me for not forgiving with my heart, and let me not carry a record of wrongs. let me never forget all that debt You forgave me: sacrificial payment. give me patience with tom, kacka, honza, aneta, mari, bara, sarka, deniska, and havalind. let the trials of the mission field not take their toll on me yet, and let me not grow negligent or frustrated.
Father, please comfort vicki and erin, laura and mary, julie, katka, and the farniks, and make the guys more crushed in spirit--it is right to be heart-broken over the lost.
8/12/11
forgive me, Lord, for not writing these prayers daily as i promised. please help will and i to be faithful ministers and servants for our families back home. please also give me wisdom and wise advice from the authorities You have given me, and help me to speak Your Word.
8/13/11
bless our work, Father, that Your kingdom would advance here in the czech republic. thank You for the opportunity to sow these seeds of Your love, to show the children and youths how great Your love is in transforming lives to worship You. thank You for blessing the farniks through us. please, please, please give petr, jarda, and tomas new hearts. they cannot love You without You loving them first, and i love them, Father!
August 7th: for the washing of sin.
8/7/11
today was the fifth Lord's day in prague, Lord. thank You for the conversations and for instilling a desire to be baptized in mrs. erhart. beyond the baptism, let her and her household see what great sinners they are and how great a Savior You are.
today was the fifth Lord's day in prague, Lord. thank You for the conversations and for instilling a desire to be baptized in mrs. erhart. beyond the baptism, let her and her household see what great sinners they are and how great a Savior You are.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
undertake for me!
Father, i know that You are powerful to save, and You alone hold our names on Your hands. Your arm is not short, nor is it weak and incapable, nor do You lack the love necessary to accomplish wonders, nor do You delight in unrighteousness. Father, You know what i will ask even before i ask it, You grant me permission and the words to ask it, and You mediate and correct my prayers. whom have i in heaven but You? and who is my counselor, my comforter, who can wipe the tears from my eyes?
Father, my great-uncle is in the intensive care unit in northridge. i plead for his physical life in a selfish manner, Father, for truly it would be happier for him to sing in Your presence, but i fear that those brilliant songs of praise would not drown out the cries of anguish and grief here. i pray for my mother's sake, that You would not take her true physical father from her from the same illness You plagued her false physical father. why did it have to be liver cancer, Father? of all the diseases to strike and test Your children with, why did You have to mirror her father's? did she not see the parallels before? i suppose if she never noticed, then the realization came at a deadly irony. Your will be done, and i will praise You, no matter how soon You call him into Your presence.
Father, he is one of the faithful leaders of Your church. he lived a life of faithfulness at home, loving only one wife and raising also his brother's children besides the blessings You gave him of his own. he leads prayer for the sick, so that i was the one who had to lead Your people to prayer on sunday night. he has not a penny to his name (he and his wife live with their children!), yet he spent his money, his goods, his talents, his health, his body, his love for the advancement of Your kingdom, at home, in the church body, and in the world.
but Father, not so was the life of the false father. he was self-absorbed, so that he was incapable of loving others--the ones You gave him to love especially. he was not generous, but he built bigger barns to die in. he was not loving, but he took more wives to fail. he said "i love you," but how can i know? how do i even know if he rests with You if he gave his own children scorpions for eggs, snakes for fish?
this is sorrow on sorrows for me, Father. please please please don't take my mother's true father to glory yet! let him serve You just a little longer, and praise You in the flesh.
yet above it all, do not let us worry. for You have called him Your own, and the fairest blood, the purest blood, the fount of living water flows over his head. the function of the liver is to root out impurities, yet Your Spirit does a greater service in rooting out the impurities of our heart of hearts. the liver purifies the blood, yet we already know that our blood is insufficient to bring us to Life.
this is enough.
"I [Hezekiah, faithful king of Judah, son of David] said,
'In the cutting off of my days I shall go to the gates of the grave;
I am deprived of the residue of my years.'
I said,
'I shall not see the LORD, even the LORD, in the land of the living;
I shall behold man no more with the inhabitants of the world.
My age is departed and is removed from me as a shepherd's tent;
I have cut off like a weaver my life.
He will cut me off with pining sickness;
from day even to night will You make an end of me.
I reckoned til morning that , as a lion, so will He break all my bones;
from day even to night will You make an end of me.
Like a crane of a swallow, so did I chatter;
I did mourn like a dove;
Mine eyes fail with looking upward.
O LORD, I am oppressed; undertake for me!
What shall I say?
He has both spoken to me, and He Himself has done it.
I will go softly all my years in the bitterness of my soul.
O LORD, by these things men live,
and in all these things is the life of my spirit;
so will You recover me and make me to live.
Behold, for peace I had great bitterness;
but You have in love for my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption,
for You have cast all my sins behind Your back.
For the grave cannot praise You, death cannot celebrate You;
they that go down into the pit cannot hope for Your truth.
The living, the living, he shall praise You, as I do this day;
the father to the children shall make known Your truth.
The LORD was ready to save me;
therefore we will sing my songs with the stringed instruments
all the days of our life in the house of the LORD.
Father, my great-uncle is in the intensive care unit in northridge. i plead for his physical life in a selfish manner, Father, for truly it would be happier for him to sing in Your presence, but i fear that those brilliant songs of praise would not drown out the cries of anguish and grief here. i pray for my mother's sake, that You would not take her true physical father from her from the same illness You plagued her false physical father. why did it have to be liver cancer, Father? of all the diseases to strike and test Your children with, why did You have to mirror her father's? did she not see the parallels before? i suppose if she never noticed, then the realization came at a deadly irony. Your will be done, and i will praise You, no matter how soon You call him into Your presence.
Father, he is one of the faithful leaders of Your church. he lived a life of faithfulness at home, loving only one wife and raising also his brother's children besides the blessings You gave him of his own. he leads prayer for the sick, so that i was the one who had to lead Your people to prayer on sunday night. he has not a penny to his name (he and his wife live with their children!), yet he spent his money, his goods, his talents, his health, his body, his love for the advancement of Your kingdom, at home, in the church body, and in the world.
but Father, not so was the life of the false father. he was self-absorbed, so that he was incapable of loving others--the ones You gave him to love especially. he was not generous, but he built bigger barns to die in. he was not loving, but he took more wives to fail. he said "i love you," but how can i know? how do i even know if he rests with You if he gave his own children scorpions for eggs, snakes for fish?
this is sorrow on sorrows for me, Father. please please please don't take my mother's true father to glory yet! let him serve You just a little longer, and praise You in the flesh.
yet above it all, do not let us worry. for You have called him Your own, and the fairest blood, the purest blood, the fount of living water flows over his head. the function of the liver is to root out impurities, yet Your Spirit does a greater service in rooting out the impurities of our heart of hearts. the liver purifies the blood, yet we already know that our blood is insufficient to bring us to Life.
this is enough.
"I [Hezekiah, faithful king of Judah, son of David] said,
'In the cutting off of my days I shall go to the gates of the grave;
I am deprived of the residue of my years.'
I said,
'I shall not see the LORD, even the LORD, in the land of the living;
I shall behold man no more with the inhabitants of the world.
My age is departed and is removed from me as a shepherd's tent;
I have cut off like a weaver my life.
He will cut me off with pining sickness;
from day even to night will You make an end of me.
I reckoned til morning that , as a lion, so will He break all my bones;
from day even to night will You make an end of me.
Like a crane of a swallow, so did I chatter;
I did mourn like a dove;
Mine eyes fail with looking upward.
O LORD, I am oppressed; undertake for me!
What shall I say?
He has both spoken to me, and He Himself has done it.
I will go softly all my years in the bitterness of my soul.
O LORD, by these things men live,
and in all these things is the life of my spirit;
so will You recover me and make me to live.
Behold, for peace I had great bitterness;
but You have in love for my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption,
for You have cast all my sins behind Your back.
For the grave cannot praise You, death cannot celebrate You;
they that go down into the pit cannot hope for Your truth.
The living, the living, he shall praise You, as I do this day;
the father to the children shall make known Your truth.
The LORD was ready to save me;
therefore we will sing my songs with the stringed instruments
all the days of our life in the house of the LORD.
August 5th & 6th: Isaiah 52:7
8/5/11
thank You for using my testimony of Your love for Your glory, and i only pray that the czechs would seriously consider Your amazing love in granting new life.
8/6/11
You alone are magnified by this team's efforts, God. You alone are worthy of our praise; give us voices to sing Your praise. out of the lips of infants, Lord, but open our lips, that our mouths may sing forth Your praise.
please grant faith to these czechs, Father. they know their sin, and they know You save. they know You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. please reach out and drag them to the cross.
thank You for the relaxing day in downtown prague today, Father. it was a much-needed remedy to calm my restless thoughts and my weary soul. let me not be discouraged or downcast, but fortify me and my prayers, to minister to these lost sheep.
thank You for using my testimony of Your love for Your glory, and i only pray that the czechs would seriously consider Your amazing love in granting new life.
8/6/11
You alone are magnified by this team's efforts, God. You alone are worthy of our praise; give us voices to sing Your praise. out of the lips of infants, Lord, but open our lips, that our mouths may sing forth Your praise.
please grant faith to these czechs, Father. they know their sin, and they know You save. they know You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life. please reach out and drag them to the cross.
thank You for the relaxing day in downtown prague today, Father. it was a much-needed remedy to calm my restless thoughts and my weary soul. let me not be discouraged or downcast, but fortify me and my prayers, to minister to these lost sheep.
August 4th: death works in us, but life in you.
8/4/11
the hour draws nearer, Father, when Your glory and hand in my life be revealed. please grant me wisdom and authority in order to not speak in vain. don't let Your word go ineffectually, and i pray desperately for the czechs that You would till and create new and malleable soils in new hearts.
please guard my tongue, Lord, and also open my lips that my mouth will show forth Your praise. keep my grandparents until their time expires, and make them strong to help me lead our family in righteousness, truth, and love.
please, Father, i plead on behalf of tomas: he is so close to loving You.
open his ears and let him hear, Father!
the hour draws nearer, Father, when Your glory and hand in my life be revealed. please grant me wisdom and authority in order to not speak in vain. don't let Your word go ineffectually, and i pray desperately for the czechs that You would till and create new and malleable soils in new hearts.
please guard my tongue, Lord, and also open my lips that my mouth will show forth Your praise. keep my grandparents until their time expires, and make them strong to help me lead our family in righteousness, truth, and love.
please, Father, i plead on behalf of tomas: he is so close to loving You.
open his ears and let him hear, Father!
August 3rd: the stench of death.
8/2/11
Father, the smell of smoke never ceases to relent from tainting the clean air of the clouds. but i refuse to let myself forget the incomparable heights of Your love. the hike today has been gorgeous so far; guide us home. let my disappointment not last, and please teach me Your love, which dies for enemies.
Father, let my sins be displeasing to my soul, as they are a stench to You. though my righteousness is also as filthy rags, let me be violently assaulted with the revolting nature of my iniquity.
Father, the smell of smoke never ceases to relent from tainting the clean air of the clouds. but i refuse to let myself forget the incomparable heights of Your love. the hike today has been gorgeous so far; guide us home. let my disappointment not last, and please teach me Your love, which dies for enemies.
Father, let my sins be displeasing to my soul, as they are a stench to You. though my righteousness is also as filthy rags, let me be violently assaulted with the revolting nature of my iniquity.
August 2nd: as Christ loves the church.
8/2/11
Father, i would like to bring special requests in regards to the intimate relationships you provided from the beginning--that of husband and wife--of Head and body, of lover and beloved. vince, will, ben, ciaran, and i all need Your grace and love to be gracious and loving like You are with us.
Father, You alone know and search and create the hearts of men and women. i ask You now especially for the young man named lukas, who erin calls vlasy. i also plead for clara and the two tomas, and honza kropac, for they are all close to bowing their knees in gratitude for Your love. please also give erin and i self-control, for we underestimate the effects of our emotions.
--I'm a little embarrassed I prayed about pokes in the same prayer as salvation and love, but if the pokes are about proper love...
Father, i would like to bring special requests in regards to the intimate relationships you provided from the beginning--that of husband and wife--of Head and body, of lover and beloved. vince, will, ben, ciaran, and i all need Your grace and love to be gracious and loving like You are with us.
Father, You alone know and search and create the hearts of men and women. i ask You now especially for the young man named lukas, who erin calls vlasy. i also plead for clara and the two tomas, and honza kropac, for they are all close to bowing their knees in gratitude for Your love. please also give erin and i self-control, for we underestimate the effects of our emotions.
--I'm a little embarrassed I prayed about pokes in the same prayer as salvation and love, but if the pokes are about proper love...
Friday, October 7, 2011
August 1st: A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8/1/11
Father, i thank You for the campers You have given to us. i fully recognize the power of Your will, and i can only ask You to empower and embolden the team as we live out and tell of Your wonderful love. Your love is glorious, after all. please guard my heart and mind also, and let my spirit not be clouded by feelings that truly aren't appropriate at this time in my life. but mostly, do not take the cross from being forefront in my eyes.
Father, i thank You for the campers You have given to us. i fully recognize the power of Your will, and i can only ask You to empower and embolden the team as we live out and tell of Your wonderful love. Your love is glorious, after all. please guard my heart and mind also, and let my spirit not be clouded by feelings that truly aren't appropriate at this time in my life. but mostly, do not take the cross from being forefront in my eyes.
July 31st: Weep with those who weep.
7/31/11
Lord, please give ciaran wisdom, peace, and care to minister to matt. please help will and i to be lights like Yourself to our families primarily, and also to the world.
Lord, please give ciaran wisdom, peace, and care to minister to matt. please help will and i to be lights like Yourself to our families primarily, and also to the world.
July 30th: When you pass through the waters, I will be with you...
7/30/11
It's the last day of the first week of Team Praha, Father. Thank You for using us for Your glory in these children.
Thank You for the work done this week, and please use Samuel's baptism for Your glory and as a testimony to the rest of Your children of the triumph of the cross over the [old man]. Thank You for the rain.
Thank You for Aneshka, Anna, Anichka, Abraham, Pshemik, Jarushek, Ester, and Jajo.
Thank You also for the pick Grandpa gave me.
please work in the hearts of petr, nick embry, [sunhee, david, and calvin pollard], my unsaved friends from uci, the members of branch of hope, the children at cca, the pastors that faithfully work to shepherd your flock, and the team praha members this year. please heal vicki's heart, give ben courage, strengthen julie's faith, give erin self-control, help william to lead with courage, let vince be mature with the girl You are sending him, make mary patient and kind, give laura the strength to persevere, and help the muellers to lead with wisdom.
It's the last day of the first week of Team Praha, Father. Thank You for using us for Your glory in these children.
Thank You for the work done this week, and please use Samuel's baptism for Your glory and as a testimony to the rest of Your children of the triumph of the cross over the [old man]. Thank You for the rain.
Thank You for Aneshka, Anna, Anichka, Abraham, Pshemik, Jarushek, Ester, and Jajo.
Thank You also for the pick Grandpa gave me.
please work in the hearts of petr, nick embry, [sunhee, david, and calvin pollard], my unsaved friends from uci, the members of branch of hope, the children at cca, the pastors that faithfully work to shepherd your flock, and the team praha members this year. please heal vicki's heart, give ben courage, strengthen julie's faith, give erin self-control, help william to lead with courage, let vince be mature with the girl You are sending him, make mary patient and kind, give laura the strength to persevere, and help the muellers to lead with wisdom.
July 29th: Happy Birthday, kid.
7/29/11
Teacher of my heart, please guide me in right paths. Guide me to run hard after you, and please give me a partner to run with. Protect my mother and brother and father and his family, for I can't be there to make peace. Strengthen me to rise to the responsibility You have given to me.
Thank You for the bobsledding today, and especially for the double feature. Because we did not get a satisfying trial run, You gave us a second. Please give me wisdom and maturity about my future. Let my love shine to those it should be revealed to.
Teacher of my heart, please guide me in right paths. Guide me to run hard after you, and please give me a partner to run with. Protect my mother and brother and father and his family, for I can't be there to make peace. Strengthen me to rise to the responsibility You have given to me.
Thank You for the bobsledding today, and especially for the double feature. Because we did not get a satisfying trial run, You gave us a second. Please give me wisdom and maturity about my future. Let my love shine to those it should be revealed to.
July 26th-28th: Traveling Mercies, Pursuit, Salvation
7/26/11
Thank You, Father, for bringing Ben safely to us. Thank You for giving Julie the means and the skills to retrieve him. Please bring the rest of the team quickly to these lands. Let us not underestimate the sleep you provide.
7/27/11
Father, it is only the second day of Team Praha's mission work, and it feels like both a lifetime and nothing at all in my flawed view of Your will in history. Please use us to sow seeds, to be fishers of men and women, and to seek and save the sheep of Your pasture. Please guide me in my pursuit of You, and let me never forget that I seek Your face and Your heart only because Your lovingkindness follows me like a dog. Save me from my allergies, and guard my heart, Father, for none else will do to make me walk the line.
7/28/11
Father You are wonderfully powerful, wise, caring, providing, judging, and loving. Thank You for all these beautiful friends You have given me.
Thank You, Father, for bringing Ben safely to us. Thank You for giving Julie the means and the skills to retrieve him. Please bring the rest of the team quickly to these lands. Let us not underestimate the sleep you provide.
7/27/11
Father, it is only the second day of Team Praha's mission work, and it feels like both a lifetime and nothing at all in my flawed view of Your will in history. Please use us to sow seeds, to be fishers of men and women, and to seek and save the sheep of Your pasture. Please guide me in my pursuit of You, and let me never forget that I seek Your face and Your heart only because Your lovingkindness follows me like a dog. Save me from my allergies, and guard my heart, Father, for none else will do to make me walk the line.
7/28/11
Father You are wonderfully powerful, wise, caring, providing, judging, and loving. Thank You for all these beautiful friends You have given me.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Love, really?
Person A: I'm in love.
Person B (the Skeptic): Are you really in love? Do you love this person more than yourself? Would you give yourself for this person? Would you be willing to die?
Person A: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Your standards of love are different than mine. You have unrealistically high standards of love! Just because I would not be willing to die for this person doesn't mean I don't love him/her.
In this case, I'm on the side of skepticism, for it is good to be self-reflective about one's emotions. But that also assumes a universal standard for love...
Person B (the Skeptic): Are you really in love? Do you love this person more than yourself? Would you give yourself for this person? Would you be willing to die?
Person A: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Your standards of love are different than mine. You have unrealistically high standards of love! Just because I would not be willing to die for this person doesn't mean I don't love him/her.
In this case, I'm on the side of skepticism, for it is good to be self-reflective about one's emotions. But that also assumes a universal standard for love...
Punctuated Basilar Membranes.
Yesterday stretched me thin, only to be punctured with yet another conversation that breaks my heart.
"Don't preach at me."
I woke up early in the morning to bring my requests to God, something which has been eluding me in my sin. But my Father roused me from sleep, and called me to worship him and work for him yet another day. For that I am grateful!
"This is unacceptable."
I forgot I was awake while taking my shower, so I was five minutes late to my Music Theory class. I'm not learning anything new (just the formal names for the elemental things I took for granted), but I must go to classes to respect and honor my teachers, who inherit their authority from my parents' checkbook. They don't believe that, but that's alright. A dead man can be convinced he is dead, and even when told that dead men do not bleed like the living, he would say to himself "I will cut myself, and PROVE that dead men bleed."
"I forbid you from this, if you cannot return for your curfew."
I'm reading a book called I Know Why the Angels Dance by Bryan Davis, and it is a fictional story of apologetics-- similar to A Severe Mercy's factual account of C. S. Lewis and Sheldon Vanauken's correspondence. It is a story about a 12-year old girl who has dreams that prophesy peoples' death and eternal destiny. Problematic as that is, she finds her urgency in these dreams to evangelize to her atheistic friend and her friend's father.
"You can evangelize in the future! You must be a student now."
My Psychology discussion was SO pointless. The class itself is pointless to attend, yet I attend it anyways, to spend time with my friends. I do not think I will attend the discussion, however--if the TAs do not believe they have authority to demand attention, I will not give it.
"You don't have to be underneath my authority, you know."
Criminology disturbs me by how casually the professor lumps Natural Law (God's moral law, revealed and understood by all) with Positive Law (Might makes right) and Sociological Law (Law reflects society's norms and values). Do they not realize that they must employ Natural Law in order to argue pro-Positive/Sociological systems of law?
Lord, restrain me from frustration, for I am no more superior than they are, lost in sin without your rod and staff to comfort me. Give me grace and humility to answer them.
"We'll discuss this later."
"Don't preach at me."
I woke up early in the morning to bring my requests to God, something which has been eluding me in my sin. But my Father roused me from sleep, and called me to worship him and work for him yet another day. For that I am grateful!
"This is unacceptable."
I forgot I was awake while taking my shower, so I was five minutes late to my Music Theory class. I'm not learning anything new (just the formal names for the elemental things I took for granted), but I must go to classes to respect and honor my teachers, who inherit their authority from my parents' checkbook. They don't believe that, but that's alright. A dead man can be convinced he is dead, and even when told that dead men do not bleed like the living, he would say to himself "I will cut myself, and PROVE that dead men bleed."
"I forbid you from this, if you cannot return for your curfew."
I'm reading a book called I Know Why the Angels Dance by Bryan Davis, and it is a fictional story of apologetics-- similar to A Severe Mercy's factual account of C. S. Lewis and Sheldon Vanauken's correspondence. It is a story about a 12-year old girl who has dreams that prophesy peoples' death and eternal destiny. Problematic as that is, she finds her urgency in these dreams to evangelize to her atheistic friend and her friend's father.
"You can evangelize in the future! You must be a student now."
My Psychology discussion was SO pointless. The class itself is pointless to attend, yet I attend it anyways, to spend time with my friends. I do not think I will attend the discussion, however--if the TAs do not believe they have authority to demand attention, I will not give it.
"You don't have to be underneath my authority, you know."
Criminology disturbs me by how casually the professor lumps Natural Law (God's moral law, revealed and understood by all) with Positive Law (Might makes right) and Sociological Law (Law reflects society's norms and values). Do they not realize that they must employ Natural Law in order to argue pro-Positive/Sociological systems of law?
Lord, restrain me from frustration, for I am no more superior than they are, lost in sin without your rod and staff to comfort me. Give me grace and humility to answer them.
"We'll discuss this later."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)