Like a knife.

My writing instructor once asked the question-- "What do you truly love? What would be like a knife in your chest if you were forced to live without it?" He was asking for purely physical responses, but in hindsight, I believe could be satisfied if He took all of my physical things. In Christ, I own everything, so I can freely give all things. The LORD gives and the LORD takes away; Blessed be the Name of the LORD. But what of these:

The embrace of my mother?
The protection of a father's arms?
The kiss of a loving wife?
The confidence of a mentor?
The wisdom and guidance of elders?
The respect of the little feet that follow?
The bodily comfort and health of everyday youthful life?
All the many "things" God has blessed me with?
The prayers of brothers and sisters in Christ?

Where do I draw these lines? It's possible to live, albeit painfully, with a knife in the chest.

But this I know: I cannot live, or even imagine living without the rejuvenating and inspiring Spirit of Jesus, and the daily miracle of faith that shackles me to the throne of grace. Such a deceitfully wicked heart of mine can only ultimately and desperately cling to one "true love"-- the Redeemer of my soul and Captain of my salvation. The body cannot live without its Head.

What do you truly love?

Promises Broken

I promised the powers that be to NOT drive anyone anywhere this week. This promise I broke when my neighbor's busted knee began to show bruising, which the Student Health Center correctly diagnosed as his red blood cell count  and platelet count being too low. So I drove him to the hospital, since our RA was legally disallowed to drive him, because employees of the school cannot be held liable. That's a rule that I think is pretty dumb. What if Michael was dying? Would he still have to wait for me to eat my hamburger? And why did I not come running? Was a full stomach worth making my friend wait?

So I drove him to the ER, and waited 5 hours. Our RA took us to dinner, and we got Michael a boba drink he loves a little too much.

But His promises are never broken, and He promises to redeem with an outstretched arm.

Personal #2

Of course I would lie. Truly little is right, right now. But the deepest troubles belong to me to bring alone as prayers to God, and though you are gracious, compassionate, and caring, you are only a friend.

Personal #1

Since I'd rather not commit all my thoughts to the internet, I'll only post semi-connected bits for each of these "personal" glimpses into my soul.

Will it take my pain to draw your tears, shepherd? Why do my tears not bring you grief and pain? Your sheep are crying!
I am a lamb lost in the wilderness, and "Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me." Psalm 142:1
Let me never complain that the water is stagnant or bitter, but remind me that the Branch has cured the water forever, and that streams of living water flow within me because you baptized me.
Make my cup overflow; let me never believe that an overflowing cup is half-full.
Lead me; hold my hand, for I am prone to wander.
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:3

The Balance

It's awfully hard to balance things in my life right now. Even balancing this blog presents a challenge-- should I use this wonderful medium to share my own thoughts and my own life, or should I share the lessons I've learned? Should I be informal or formal?

Life isn't just about choices and decisions. God has given me options, and I can only pray for a humble heart and a willing attitude to glorify Jesus in all that I do.